Addiction Recovery Blog

Addictionland - Addiction Recover Blog

  • Home
    Home This is where you can find all the blog posts throughout the site.
  • Login
    Login Login form
Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in resentment

Posted by on in Other Addictions

In the days of my drinking and drugging, resentments were my trusty tool, my reliable excuse. Resentments were my fuel for going on a spree or a bender. In a state of self-pity, it was easy to justify my need for numbing my pains and sorrows. When I got sober my resentments did not automatically vanish, instead it required some dedicated and thorough work to remove them. In 12 step groups it is said that “resentments are our number one offender”, which means that resentments are one of the most common things that keep us miserable and cause us to relapse. It has been said that a resentment is like “drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Whether you are in a 12 step group or not, resentments are something that need to be addressed to maintain sobriety and serenity.

What exactly is a resentment?

Simply, a resentment is a feeling of angry displeasure at a real or imagined wrong, insult, or injury. The Oxford Dictionary defines it as “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.” Resentments are most commonly against other people who we believe have screwed us over or hurt us. These commonly include family, ex’s, bosses, co-workers, policemen, etc. When drinking, I often took everything that other people did personally. Some of us hold on to resentments that stem back to our childhood or ex-marriage. Other resentments include bitterness towards institutions and principles, such as religion, government, or the IRS. Some of these resentments are more justified that others, for instance if you’ve been cheated on or unjustly fired from a job. Whether the resentment is real or imagined does not matter, both types of resentments are equally deadly.

Identifying and Removing Resentments

The first step in cleansing ourselves of resentments is to identify our resentments. For some people, their list of resentments is a page long and for others it can be up to a dozen pages. The generally rule of thumb is that if something is still causing you to be bitter or angry then it is important to come to terms with. We do not have to write down every person who cut us off in traffic or the bully from first grade, unless it is causing us to still be bitter and ill-contented. Once we have identified our resentments there are a few ways to remove them from our lives. It is suggested that we look for our parts in the matter of the resentment. In matters such as divorce, it is fairly easy to find our part in the issue. Maybe we were insensitive, selfish, dishonest, hurtful, or unfaithful. It is important to put aside what has been done to you and instead focus on what you could have done differently. Once our roles in all our resentments have been identified, we then pray or ask our higher power to remove these resentments. We ask forgiveness and blessings for the people in our life and slowly our resentments diminish.

The principles behind working through our resentments and putting them behind us is about breaking the pattern of self-pity and to stop playing the victim. We learn to take responsibility for how our life has turned out and stop blaming people and things around us for our misery or misfortune. When we take ownership of our lives and our happiness we experience a sense of empowerment and freedom. Those old resentments no longer have a control over us and won’t weight us down with pity. We are freed from the shackles of the past and can focus on what is in our near horizon.

0
Hits: 2124

Posted by on in Other Addictions

I had maybe a few months of abstinance under my belt when a man with twenty years of sobriety said something in a meeting that stuck with me to this day.  He said,"Alcoholics don't get angry, Increasethey are angry."

I left the meeting wondering what he was talking about. I thought to myself I am not angry.  I am not angry at all.  Why would he accuse me of being angry?  Not only was I in denial about my anger, I was also convinced he was talking about me!

It took many years of recovery and doing all twelve steps to begin to understand what he meant.  The Big Book warned me that the number one reason people quit the program of recovery is resentment.  It continued to say that as an alcoholic, I did not have the luxury of being angry.

When I did my fourth step and then continued on with my tenth step, I began to see my anger.  I was angry I wasn't smarter, prettier, thinner or wealthier.  I was angry my friends seemd to get what my parents wouldnt give me.  I was angry I wasn't married with children when I thought I should be. The list went on.

Nearly thirteen years later, I can see and accept my ongoing resentments.  I am angry I am not decisive.  I am angry I wasted so much time in my addictioin.  I am angry my son won't behave. I am angry I have to work. I am angry my husband asks too many questions when I am exhausted.

...
0

Posted by on in Other Addictions

"This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.  Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.   When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.  Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.  Love and tolerance of others is our code." Pg. 84 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

I call this the sobriety formula. Increase No matter what problem I complained about, my sponsor directed me to this page and promised me I would "cease fighting anything or anyone" if I followed these steps.  I remember being very irritated by this response early in my sobriety because I felt I wasn't being heard or understood. How could words on a page in a book written back in 1935 solve my dilemma with my current boyfriend? my job? my family?

To this day, whenever I am disturbed, I utilize this formula. I have watched my various, deadly addictions drop from me year after year like the useless skin of a snake. I have noticed my ever widening circle of friends.  I have experienced an ever increasing peace inside of me, even when I fly upside down in the middle of a thunderstorm.  I no longer run the show.  I have the great pleasure of demonstrating to others, through my ever increasing freedom, the miraculous power of Truth and selflessness and abstinance. 

Best,

Increase

...
0

Posted by on in Drug Addiction

For over 25 years, David Essel, Master Inspirational Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author, Adjunct Professor and Radio/TV Host has been inspiring and empowering people to take charge of their lives. David can help you, too, create an exceptional life by tapping into the power of your mind - body - spirit connection

0


website by DesignSpinner.com | © Addictionland LLC