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Posted by on in Alcoholism

Over the last 12 years, I've done a lot of self-study about what kept me in lock step with the powerful disease of addiction. I've peeled myself back, layer by layer, to unveil the root causes for this.

One of the most profound things I uncovered during that investigation was how the toxic phrase “I should know better” directed my life.

Growing up, I heard, " Honestly, Alison you really should know better” on a rather regular basis. This phrase was so ingrained into my head that as I grew older, if I found myself in a bad spot, within a second I’d think, “Ugh! I should have known better!”

For the average person, a reflection like that is nothing more than a casual check-in.

Not so for someone who lived for decades underneath the addictive, obsessive diseases of alcoholism and an eating disorder. For someone like me, that statement is monumentally damaging.

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Posted by on in Alcoholism

Sunny and warm days were cold and dark. Family and friend gatherings were full of anxiety. Internal angst was suffocating. ADDICTION HAD ME.

 

Addiction took everything from me - money, jobs, family, friends, people I loved dearly, hope, vitality, security, freedom. GAVE ME DARKNESS.

 

I could never make plans to do anything because I was too sick, too worried about how I could drink, and if I could drink. EMPTY LIVING.

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