I had maybe a few months of abstinance under my belt when a man with twenty years of sobriety said something in a meeting that stuck with me to this day. He said,"Alcoholics don't get angry, they are angry."
I left the meeting wondering what he was talking about. I thought to myself I am not angry. I am not angry at all. Why would he accuse me of being angry? Not only was I in denial about my anger, I was also convinced he was talking about me!
It took many years of recovery and doing all twelve steps to begin to understand what he meant. The Big Book warned me that the number one reason people quit the program of recovery is resentment. It continued to say that as an alcoholic, I did not have the luxury of being angry.
When I did my fourth step and then continued on with my tenth step, I began to see my anger. I was angry I wasn't smarter, prettier, thinner or wealthier. I was angry my friends seemd to get what my parents wouldnt give me. I was angry I wasn't married with children when I thought I should be. The list went on.
Nearly thirteen years later, I can see and accept my ongoing resentments. I am angry I am not decisive. I am angry I wasted so much time in my addictioin. I am angry my son won't behave. I am angry I have to work. I am angry my husband asks too many questions when I am exhausted....