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Posted by on in Gambling Addiction

Hello and Welcome Recovery Friends and New Addictionland Visitors,

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“So I keep having this “Dream” about the broken relationship I have with my Father.”
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It’s seems to come as the backside of a once broken life. My life. When I finally started a serious recovery from gambling addiction and booze, my mom had been sick and in and out of the hospital. But as if God knew she would be gone soon, I was able to go spend a week with her and my family in So. Cal shortly after my crisis center stay from a very bad gambling slip and undiagnosed bipolar depression. It was also my first failed suicide attempt. That was Nov, 2002. So I had this overwhelming need to be close to my mom, so I went down in March, 2003. The week went great, as I even got to see my older brother and his son too! He was on vacation in Laguna Beach, CA, and invited me and my other two sisters to come and spend the day with him there.

That was the FIRST time all four of us kids had been together like that in years! It was also like a dream, so thank goodness I have photo’s to remind me of that wonderful day. It would be the last time we were all on good terms. As July 2003 came around and mom was back in the hospital and on Life Support. We almost lost her then. I was called to be told that she may not make it, so I needed to come down to be with her. She made it, but only lasted until mid August, 2003. While I was there in July, I could not believe how I was being treated. Now I had never hurt anyone in my family with my addiction, and I felt is was more about my “Mental illness” that was the problem. Like they couldn’t understand, or wonder what was so wrong with me. Don’t you just hate when people find out and they “Treat You Differently”?

Their attitudes were much different too, as if I’d go “Postal” on them at any moment is the only way I can describe it to you. See, I was still living in So. Oregon at this time, so it was a long way to So. California. It wasn’t like I lived in the same state or city, so we didn’t see each other very often. Now for those who haven’t read my current book, I should back up a bit.

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Posted by on in Other Addictions

I feel most anxious inside when I am indecisive.  When I have one foot headed in one direction and the other foot headed a different way, I feel disoriented, frustrated and hopeless. The third step says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-d."  The third step says therere is Power in making a decision.  The third step promises that the care of G-d awaits us when the decision we make comes from a desire to share our good with others.

Still, I continue to struggle about quitting my job in pharmaceuticals and pursuing a career in recovery.  I want to have all the answers about what I will do, how much I will make and how happy I will be before I quit my job and take a big risk.  What am I risking? Well, in my mind, financial security and freedom.  My job in pharmaceuticals allows me to save money, spend money when I want and enjoy certain luxuries like vacations or shopping sprees.  I don't have to ask permission or rely on my husband to take care of my needs.  I feel more in control.

However, when I ask myself how happy these exterior luxuries really make me in the long term-or, better yet-how long the fulfillment lasts once I complete a vacation or buy a new purse, I realize I am only buying temporary joy. Real happiness is a by product of right living and right living is a by product of seeking the will of your heart and following its dictates-no matter how scary or risky they seem.

If I want to experience true joy, I must be willing to face my fear and walk out into the unknown. Leap and the net will appear. Increase Countless other people have taken a huge risk with fantastic results.  Why not me?????  Why not you???

Best,

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