Sobriety is about progress, not perfection. December is my anniversary month and if I continue to do what I have done the past ten years, I will have 11 years of sobriety December 20th. Still, with all that "knowledge" and experience, I revert to quick fixes to get me high. No longer willing to drink, drug, smoke, screw or lie to get high, I occasionally go on a nice shopping spree to get my rocks off.
The combination of acquiring something new on sale at half price truly excites me. My progress comes into the picture when I recognize the reason behind my purchase and do something about my realization. As I try on the new shoes or jacket in front of the mirror at my home, it dawns on me I have plenty of clothes in my closet I still haven't worn. Why then do I go out and buy more?
Because it makes me feel good. Because it fills the emptiness I experience from time to time when I forget who I am and why I exist. Because I am not paying enough attention to my spiritual health. Because it's time to slow down.
As usual, it takes a lot of pain to get me to realize there is something awry with my program of recovery. This time, I was off the spiritual beam by putting my practice of meditation behind my practice of making money. When I did my personal inventory, I realized its been a long time since I sat down a half hour each day to give attention and gratitude to my only true Employer. I do many positive things each day in recovery such as working with others, attending meetings, tithing, etc.. but if I dont make the time to contemplate the true Source of all my Goodness, I feel disconnected and find myself wanting to fill the void with something material.