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Posted by on in Co-dependency

Loving someone is complicated; loving someone with an addiction is even more complicated.   I’ve been the wife of an addict and am the mother of a child with an addiction, so I know that the choices you are sometimes forced to make seem unbearable.  My codependence was at such an acute level when I started my healing journey that the term “flaming codependent” was not an exaggeration.

It took me quite a while to realize that there was nothing that I could do to control or change my loved ones.  And when that realization finally took hold of me, I vowed to take back my life. 

At first I thought that my healing journey involved just my relationships with my loved ones.  But that quickly lead to the realization that what I needed was a complete review of all my relationships and that included the one I had with myself. 

I began my journey as many others have by learning as much as I could about the addict and their addiction, attending Al Anon meetings, getting private counseling sessions, building my support network, taking the focus off of their lives and onto my own, etc, but there was still something missing.  The missing piece was in knowing how to truly nourish all of me, how to love myself.  So, I  started looking  at the foods that I was eating,  at the relationships that I was in, the career that I was in, the form of exercise that I was using and my own personal connection with Spirit.  That process continues today.

One of the first things that I learned how to do was to breathe.  This helped to calm my mind and body, especially when I started feeling like a hamster on a wheel that I couldn’t get off of.  This simple exercise helped me a lot and still does today.

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Posted by on in Co-dependency

My sponsor told me that my negativity is my addiction personified. Increase In other words, what I believe is wrong in me and the world will be outwardly projected into my life.  If I believe I can't get sober, I won't.  If I believe I can't succeed, I won't.  If I believe the world is against me, it will be.

Conversely, recovery teaches me that the positive beliefs I form will manifest in my life.  The emphasis switches from negative projection to positive projection.  I believe I can be sober and I am.  I believe I can recover from multiple forms of addiction and I did.  I believe I can be successful at work and a great mother and I am.

I notice lately that there is an area of my life where I don't feel the peace and joy I want to feel and that is my marriage.  In doing my tenth step and talking over my feelings both with a sponsor and a professional (therapist), I learned about the term "introjection."  This is when you digest a part of your envirnonment (namely your original caregivers like your parents) whole.

These are some of the beliefs I digested by growing up in my home:

I should marry well (Rich, smart, Jewish, my own age, no baggage)

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