My head aches. I feel like my skull has been invaded by two opposing armys going head to head in a fight to the death. The winner will occupy my body as my liveihood and while I am inclined to support my writer/speaker/coach personality, my pharmaceutical personality is putting up an incredible fight.
I used to be one of those people who took out a peice a paper and wrote down the pros and the cons of a situation. That no longer makes sense. To me, there is a con for every pro and a pro for every con. I can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks and months in my head debating the reasons I should or should not engage in a certain project, move to a new house, take a certain job, etc. Or, as my Sponsor taught me in early recovery, I need to stop asking everyone else what they think and go within for my answer.
When do I usually stop neurotically debating in my head and turn to meditation for my answer? Usually, when I am on the verge of going insane. When pushed to a ledge, I remember I have a choice. I can stay in my head with my crazy thoughts or I can make a decision to pray for relief and wait for the Spirit to guide me.
"Pray on one issue at a time," my Sponsor advised. "You won't get a specific answer if your prayer is not specific."
She also reminded me that the answers I needed would not come by demand, force, begging or freaking out. "Just put your attention on God, pray from the heart, open the channel and allow the transmission to occur. If you seek him, he will reveal himself to you."...