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Category contains 2 blog entries contributed to teamblogs

Posted by on in Other Addictions

My google alerts are set to include any article on eating disorders so I can stay abreast of current issues.  Today, I read the article http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/beauty/desperate-housewives-syndrome-20120529-1zgoa.html and it caused me to think about how I felt when I first developed an eating disorder at age 15 compared to now. At 44 with over 12 years of recovery work under my belt, I can not tell you I am immune to the pressures of the media to look like I am 20 at age 44. So far, I have not succumbed to the internal pressure, but the pressure is there. IncreaseThese women in the movies and magazines look so beautiful and radiant!

So why haven't I gotten botox when so many women I know have?  Certainly, it takes years off one's face and, when administered well, restores a woman's youthful appearance. I have not gotten botox for a few reasons: I have to wonder the longterm effects of putting toxins into my body, it has to be painful and my guts tells me that if I start with one botox, one will never be enough.  Kind of like one drink was never enough.  Either I feel secure I am enough despite my wrinkles, rolls or gray hairs, or I don't.  Either I go down the road of clinging to external validation or I rely upon natural means to enhance my mental and physical health.

What does any of this have to do with addiction or recovery?  The disease of addiction centers in the mind.  The disease of addiction is that voice in our heads that tells us we are not enough, we will never be enough, if we had more or did more, we might stand a chance.  The voice of addiction is insane.  It comes up with ways and means to manipulate reality, the natural process of things, and act as God.  While things may appear good on the outside, for a while, the good never lasts.  Unless something is natural and serves the greater good, it eventually fizzles out, dries up, shrivels and suffers.

Everytime my head tells me I need to do something about the wrinkles on my face or the bulge in my belly, my recovery voice reminds me that the thing that truly makes me beautiful is my essence. My recovery voice tells me that with good behavior, substantial exercise, better nutrition, good times and meditation, the Light within me will get brighter!  Recovery has given me a rational voice to counteract my feelings of inadequacy.  While those feelings of inadequacy never go away completely, I rely on my spiritual program of action and the Grace of my HP to keep me free from bondage to Botox and outside fixes! Aging can be glorious if we place more value on personal growth than we do on wrinkle free foreheads!

Best!

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Posted by on in Other Addictions

I started Addictionland.com so that addicts, in or out of recovery, could have a place to vent and potentially receive positive feedback from other addicts or recovery professionals. Whenever I am about to write, I ask myself what is currently going on in my life.  Although it is interesting for others to hear about my dark past and my recovery path, it is always important for me to do a personal inventory about today.

I was very agitated and edgy this morning because I was feeling the pressure of Monday morning, parenting a 5 year old child that moves at his own pace, not having time to experience romance with my husband, a new boss at work, less time to manage my work due to a new fleet policy about driving and talking on the phone and the regular high expectations I hold for myself in almost all areas of my life. Increase

I was ready to leave the house as Queen Baby, griping about all that I have on my plate and spoiling my own day, when my husband called out to me and said, "Honey, come get a hug."  Reluctantly, I walked over to him and his embrace magically reduced my tension.  Next, I got into the car and Lady Gaga was in the CD player.  My son loves dance music and began to smile and dance in his seat.  It was hard for me to hold on to my anger watching his whole face light up and witnessing a rash of freckles breaking out across his nose.

I thought to myself, "Thank God for the recovery process.  I still have defects and I still entertain playing the victim, but practicing the 12-step principles in all of my affairs, minute after minute, day by day, makes it virtually impossible to stay in my defects for too long.  I am completely aware of my choice to stay in the problem and suffer or pray for relief and move into a solution.

I have countless blessings to focus on if I just let go and experience them all.  I dont need to live in the past or worry about tomorrow.  When I get overwhelmed with emotion, I can ask my HP to free me and I can put my attention on something Good in the world.  Often, because of my 12 step training, I am the Good I need to see.  I can rely on my own positive behavior to shift my thoughts and my perspective. I can act my way into right thinking.

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Posted by on in Other Addictions

A woman I sponsor recently asked me if she was kidding herself by deeming herself sober when she is still acting out in other areas of her life.  "I may not be drinking or taking pills anymore," she said, "but I am still doing things I am ashamed of doing."

Did I relate? I told her a story about my fourth year in recovery. My boyfriend, or shall I say my obsession in recovery, had recently broke up with me.  I thought I had recovered from my bulimia during my second year and was suprised when the obsession to eat and the compulsion to throw up returned with a vengeance. 

Bulimia, while you are drinking, taking drugs and doing multiple others things to distract yourself from the shame and pain of being a puker, is one thing.  Bulimia, when you are stark raving sober and clearly see how your behavior is out of control, gross and insane, is another thing. I needed to throw up and my awareness of what bulimia did to my psyche and body was life altering.

I threw up for a good six months more before I was in so much pain I was desparate for relief. I showed up at one of my regular AA meetings and decided to pick up a white chip Increase as a sign of my surrender on this addiction.  When I stood up and walked to the front of the room, friends gasped.  I was so gung ho about my recovery they could not believe I would pick up a drink. They ran over to me and said, "What happened??? I can't believe you of all people picked up."

"I didn't drink alcohol," I replied through my tears.  "I just cant stop binging and purging and I need help."  A few of the staunch AAers got annoyed with me and said it was totally inappropriate for me to pick up the white chip over food.  This is an AA meeting," one said.  I already felt bad enough over my powerlessness.  Now, someone thought it a good idea to kick me when I was down.

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Posted by on in Other Addictions

 

I've been clean and sober for some time now..

The toughest thing to share is being a porn addict as a woman. This is the first time.

I know it's an addiction cause I stop months at a time, and if I get on the computer once.. I can't stop for days or weeks at a time. I don't know how, but it manifests itself just like the allergy that we know about alcohol and drugs.

I'm at the point of powerlessness in front of yet another .....ISM.

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Posted by on in Other Addictions

A question I am asked frequently is, "What does it look like to 'Live and Let Live' or 'Surrender to Freedom' or 'Turn it Over' as suggested in the 3rd step?" Increase

I had a sponsor who always reminded me that whenever I am disturbed I am the problem. I am in fear of either losing something I want or never getting something I think I need. My real problem is my perception of what I need and my perception of how God is or is not working in my life. In order to connect with the solution, which is always spiritual and will never be my own thinking, I follow certain daily steps and so far they have worked.

To bring the slogans to life-no matter which slogan you choose-I pretty much follow the same disciplines. In no particular order:

1. Read 12 step literature or a spiritual meditation book when I arise to set my mind on spiritual, rather than material, goals.

2. Attend a 12-step meeting for the same purpose, as well as to be available to other women in need or to ask for help

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