I am feeling a little heavy hearted. My mom just called me to vent and it seems her home is far from peaceful. My dad suffers terrible cluster headaches in the summer months and my mom can't travel with ease because she is on oxygen and just a year in recovery from hard core lung cancer treatment. My mom's sister just had a tumor removed from her stomach and one of my dad's cousin's is dying from stage 4 lung cancer. There may be more to this story, but who am I to say other people would benefit from a 12 step program?
While there is a lot of darkness and pain to endure, I feel so grateful I am embedded in my recovery life style because I can still appreciate all the beauty of life. It seems others, without a daily program of dumping, sharing, action, prayer, meditation, exercise and the like, have a very difficult time staying afloat when the rough waves pound the shore. It is a time of amends for me. A time to give back the time, love and support everyone freely gave me as a child. A time to make up for the worry, pain and angst I caused others when they weren't sure what was wrong with me, but felt certain I needed help.
I don't know how much longer I will be blessed with my parents and I like to slow down enough to realize it is more important I stop in and see them each week then work an extra hour. I get so caught up with my job and family (and even though I do see them weekly and call often), I feel and want to do more. I know I will never regret being there for them in their time of need-regardless of whether anything gets fixed. I learned in recovery that, more than anything, people want to be heard and understood. No fixing required, just loving ears and hugs.
I dislike knowing that my parents and other family members are suffering. I also know that suffering, unlike pain, can be a choice. Pain, whether it be of the head, lung or stomach, must run its course until real healing has occurred. Suffering, on the other hand, is a matter of perspective. Am I only seeing and staring at the dark side of life or, in the midst of such darkness, am I looking for a way to channel (and become) the Light?
I don't want to spend today worrying about tomorrow. I pray I get a tomorrow and will deal with that day then. For now, I just want to be as available as I can be so that the Power can work through me to aide those around me in such great need of Love. They don't know all the Love they need is inside and all they have to do is keep concentrating on letting it out.
12 step recovery gave me a way to let go of the past, let go of the anger, see my part and focus on positive action. I know today I am not G-d, I do not know what is best for everyone, but it always feel better to live in the Love than the negativity.