My mother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. A few months back, I wrote how I was worried about her health. I knew she suffered from COPD and extra weight and I sensed there was more going on then my eyes could see. My intuitive has developed as a result of working the 12 steps over thirteen years and sometimes, it causes me pain to be so aware.
My sponsor once said, "You will never experience great joy until you learn to experience great pain." I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but today I do. To connect with the energy of any moment, be it a celebration or shock, you need to stay in that moment. You need to learn how to let go of the past and the future. This is certainly no easy task.
The 12 steps enables me to do this, a day at a time. When I forget to do this, my friends and sponsor remind me. Other times, my fatigue, sadness or agitation remind me that I am off track. Today, all of my emotions help signal me whether I am on the beam or off the beam. And, I've learned that even in the worst of moments when I hear dreaded news like my mom is ill, I can feel good because I am certain the 12 steps will enable me to be the best daughter possible.
The 12 steps have taught me that the world does not revolve around me. When my mom is sick, she is the one who is sick and I am the one who needs to help her. It's not a time to try and get personal attention. It is the time to suit up and show up.
I offer to take her to the doctors' appointments without her ever needing to ask me. I send her positive, uplifting messages to help her create a vision of tomorrow, instead of being negative. I call her and tell her I love her and let all of my feeling for her be known. I buy her a juicer and make her juices and use my Power to create more peace and wellbeing.
I would be lying if I said mentally I do not project about her dying. It's somehow much easier to envision the negative than the positive. What the 12 steps do for me is remind me to get out of the future as quickly as I can and, instead, turn my mind to spiritual matters. I need to get quiet, locate the peace within and deposit a vision of my mom in the pool of Peace. I need to remember that I am not in charge but I can help my mother through positive prayer.
I am very grateful I am not wrestling with the Devil Addiction at this important time. If I was, my mother might not have me to lean on in some of her most trying moments. I did enough harm to my mother when I was in active addiction causing her pain, worry and sleepless nights. Now is another good time to make my true amends.