Because I'm technologically challenged. In order to find the complete page of my blog My Boots Didn't Come With Straps you can go to my home page and find it at the bottom of the lists. It's the one at the bottom of the list beneath the one that says something about groups. The one at the top needs to be deleted. If you know how to do it please message me. I'm trying to make it easier to find. The things that make me cringe and wince are the people that I helped do their first shot. That weighs on me. We had no real concept of the carnage we we're pulling them into or that it would probably be life changing for anyone with an addictive personality. I didn't do it for long because it quickly became obvious that we had created monsters. Hungry monsters. While there's no way to sugar coat what we we're doing, nor make it anything but what it was. However we did have rules. Like absolutely no stolen property of any kind. If they couldn't write out a receipt with their name on it then they needn't even ask. This policy saved us one time because the guy who traded the motor and then went and turned us in for having it. For whatever crazy reason he didn't even think about the bill of sale he had been required to sign. The law showed up intending to ransack our duplex but that receipt kept them from entering the house. My husband and I weren't even there when it happened. We were in Baylor hospital in Dallas waiting to see if he would live or die. His "yard dogs" (who we're actually pretty good people and helped out around the house, and we're fiercely loyal) we're taking care of things while we we're away.. But we wouldn't trade for food stamps, because some child needed to eat off those and it's criminal, the exchange rate, 50¢ on the $1. That's insane to me. Why would anyone take that kind of offer? But they wouldn't buy anything at our house. Also there was a curfew. Anybody in the house at 10:00 wasn't allowed to leave til morning, and we shut everything down at 10:00 until daylight. We had papered our windows then foiled them all so our house was pitch black if someone drove by. Another rule was if your utilities we're cut off and you had children then your money wouldn't buy a thing and that came with a stern lecture about priorities. No stolen guns. Bill of sale or no sale. The only exception to all the rules was if it was the hookup pulling in at 1:00am, AK with a banana clip slung over his shoulder. He met with us quite by accident. He had been at the Zoo (which was another meth refueling station, but was run much more wildly than our house) and when he was leaving the boss there asked him to take a guy that was driving everybody crazy with him and put him out at a convenience store or anywhere but there. The crazy guy asked the hookup to bring him to our house. It was about 8:30am on a Sunday morning in a quiet neighborhood and I hear a knock on the door so I waddle to the door and look out the peep hole and much to my horror a guy strapped who bore a striking resemblance to Charles Mansion was on my doorstep. I hurriedly opened the door and pulled them both into the house. He didn't introduce himself but we knew who he was. So we invited him to come and sit down and hang awhile. He and my husband hit it off immediately. He quickly became a regular at our house. Ultimately taking my husband with him to score. That's when things began to get more serious, because I didn't want to raise kids in a dope house. Their Daddy felt the same way, but when he got hurt at a construction job he got injured and couldn't do the job that he'd been doing for years, even had his own crew. We just never seemed to get to a stopping spot. Well it's really late. I couldn't sleep because one of my night drugs wasn't even in with the rest so I tried and tried to sleep. I took some more medicine and I can feel it beginning to work. Maybe now I can sleep. I'm an insomniac and my brain won't shut off at bedtime unless I have meds. But I have the music that plays very often in my head. It's like hearing a radio station that needs tuning in a bit. I can tell you the song that's playing, and can even sing along. It's louder when I'm driving and at night. I've been hearing it for 30 years. By now it's nothing at all to try to stop. It's harmless enough, I dislike hearing voices, they're more disturbing. Especially when I'm the object of discussion. I sleep with a You Tube playlist all night cuz I sleep with my 7 yr old granddaughter. So I pull the covers up over my head and sleep like that. I've got to stop the keys are blurry. Goodnight. Thanks for your time.