The longer I stay on the path of sobriety (working steps, attending meetings, helping other alcoholics, praying and meditating), the more conscious I becomes of every feeling, every dishonesty, every challange and every opportunity to be more fully alive. The road narrows and I no longer depend on old, dysfunctional behaviors to feel satisfied.
Once I let go of all of the addictions that once preoccupied my every waking moment (including food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs and unhealthy relationships), I found myself experiencing a vast amount of free energy that went into making my amends, building my recovery program, doing my job, attending to my young son and writing my memoir.
In my near twelfth year of sobriety, I find myself at a crossroads. Either I can go deeper into the steps, prayer and meditation for my answers or I can continue doing what I am presently doing and die a little bit inside every day. I am a firm believer that the heart whispers a purpose into the ear of every person and it is our birthright to hear it, follow it and become it. The only thing that holds me back from my fulfillment is fear of change and the only thing that pushes me beyond that fear is pain.
For today, I pray that God removes my fear and places my attention on something Good. I will go to a meeting, help someone else, do my inventory and try to inject some fun/passion into the day. "Today is the day that God has made, rejoice and be glad in it!" I didn't get sober to go stale. Periods of pain, dryness and discomfort are simply indicators that I am off the mark and I need to let God steer me in a better direction. I need to close my eyes and imagine the changes I want to see and let go of the negativity that blocks my progress.