My heart looks at my recovery and my disease of addiction in black and white, my mind wants to be lost and confused in the gray. I was told long ago to keep it simple so here it is.
There are two powers of influence that make up who I am. One is my mind where my ego and disease reside; the other is my heart where my spirit and recovery live. These two places are in absolute opposition of each other with this addict in the middle.
These two powers of influence are very similar to the Native American teaching
“The Wolves within…”
An old Cherokee told his Grandson “My son there is a battle between two wolves inside all of us – one is Evil: it is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is Good: it is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and the truth.
The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather which one will win?" The old man quietly replied, "The one we feed."
That is the simple honest truth of the battle that goes on between my Heart and my Mind. What I must understand clearly is how I can feed my heart, spirit and recovery and how I feed my mind, ego and the disease.
Our mind, ego and disease wants to separate us from those in recovery and anyone else who has a positive influence in our lives. It wants us alone and angry, growing stronger as it feeds on our loneliness and anger. Its voice growing louder until it is the only voice we hear, telling us: “No one cares about you, no one understands you, Get that needle, bottle, pill, powder, joint, whatever you can find to escape from this life of pain and heartache.”
Our heart, spirit and recovery want us to be connected to other addicts in recovery and have a conscious contact to that power greater than ourselves. It wants us to live a spiritual life of helping others. It teaches us how to love ourselves and in turn love others.
I feed my heart with working and applying the steps in my life. Through prayer, meditation, meetings, friendships, honesty, sponsorship, sincerity, selflessness, letting go of resentments and making amends to others and to myself by living a healthy moderate, simple life always keeping my recovery the number one priority in my life and always willing to carry the message of recovery to those who still suffer..
I feed my mind by not applying the spiritual principles into my life, by putting great importance on the cars I drive, the house I live in, how much money do I have, the clothes I wear, the gold I own, impressing others, demanding respect and admiration, enjoying power over others by making others feel less then, always putting myself first because it’s all about me, believing that all these bright shiny things that I’ve acquired are the true path to happiness.
The question you have to ask yourself is “Which one do I feed?”