We hear it again and again from new comers to not so new comers, “I have a problem with this God thing.”
This certainly seems like the largest stumbling block for many addicts coming into the rooms and those that will not come to the rooms and the many that leave the rooms.
You hear all types of comments;
“I’m not interested in some religious cult.”
“This talk of God bothers me.”
“I didn’t come here to learn about God, I’m here to stop using drugs.”
I understand the struggle many addicts have regarding the God thing.
How I came to peace with the God issue is to first understand that the word “God” is the most common way for all people to describe their perspective of a Power greater than themselves. I always use the term “a power greater than myself”, rather than “A Higher Power” which to me means something up in there in the heavens, a God like figure.
How I came to be OK with “A Power Greater than myself” was quite easy.
When I was using I tried to stop hundreds of times with no success. I would cry to my Mother after being bailed out once again. I would look at her sad face with those dark rings under her eyes and feel her broken heart. I would start crying, telling her; “Mom. I swear to you I’m through using. I can’t take it anymore; I would rather be dead than use again.”
Each time I told her this I meant it and each time I told my young wife this, I meant it with all my heart. Four hours later I would be getting high again feeding my addiction. I knew all those times that no matter how much I meant it at the time, no matter how many tears I shed, no matter how much heart ache my Mother suffered because of my addiction, I would use again because my addiction was “A Power Greater than myself.”
I never had a problem accepting the cold truth that no matter how hard I tried I was powerless over my addiction.
I also believe the universal truth of “Everything has a positive as well as a negative”, Hate/Love, pain/pleasure, in every atom of everything.
That being true then there must be a positive Power Greater than myself.”
It made complete sense to me, I cannot overcome this “negative greater power of addiction”, I will never be able to win against this power no matter how hard I want to, it is impossible.
Common sense tells me that the only way I can overcome this greater negative power of addiction is to consciously connect to a greater positive power. I found “A greater Power than myself” in the rooms of recovery and I shall be grateful for my recovery the rest of my life.
I pray and meditate every day without exception. There is nothing worse than a good excuse. I don’t have to understand what this greater power than myself is, all I have to do is believe in it.
I want to believe in miracles rather than coincidence. I cannot believe that Man is the greatest power among the billions of stars and planets; I need to believe there is something greater in this universe than me.