I had an epiphany today. I've been suffering for years in my marriage because of the emphasis I have placed on sex over all other aspects. My marital sex life hasn't lived up to my high expectations and has changed dramatically since I gave birth to my son six years ago.
I know that addiction is often seen as the disease of mis-perception. Instead of seeing the good in situations or even seeing things as they actually are, addicts like me tend to have a distorted vision of reality based on our excessive self-centered needs.
What I realized today is that my marriage, like any other area of my life, is either an extreme success or an extreme failure based on how I measure success. If Earth shattering sex on a regular basis is the core measurement of success in my marriage, I join the ranks of many other adults whose sex life suffers for a variety of reasons. If, however, I measure success in my marriage based on being with a person who is selfless, thoughtful, hardworking, honest, talented, nurturing, creative, light hearted, spiritual, loving and communicative (to name a few of his assets), my marriage rests in the upper echelon of excellence.
It's up to me to choose where I put my attention. What I can't change myself, I surrender in a third step to my HP and affirm my certainty that any problem I face can be fixed with spiritual aide. If all of my addictions could be arrested a day at a time, anything I face has a solution.
P.S. I would love to hear about any issues you have tackled or overcome in your love relationships.