After a decade of recovery, I am free from my addiction to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food and sex/unhealthy romantic relationships. The more conscious I live, the more in touch I become with my emotions and my emotional blocks. This year, it has come to my attention that certain personality types cause me to regress, shut down and emotionally hide. I feel this has come to my attention because it is time for me to address this issue and live in greater freedom.
Over the years, I have learned that the so-called crisis is really just a gift in disguise. My Higher Power presents me with a situation so that I can see where I am wounded/misguided and rise above to change. Growing up in a household with adults who lacked emotional tools, I often held my breath hoping for the disturbance of the moment to subside. Sometimes the disturbance would be my depressed father's mood. Other times, the disturbance would be the unspoken tensions between my mother and my father. Both of my parents have strong personalities and I often felt swallowed up in the power of their judgement or pressure to conform.
In speaking with my phenomenal, intuitive and loving therapist today, I got in touch with some childhood pain I had yet to process. He had me close my eyes and guided me back to my childhood to face and experience my feelings of loss, pain and isolation. When he did, fur balls of repressed emotion came up from my core and disintegrated. He instructed me to have my adult side comfort my inner child and acknowledge her needs and wants. I visualized myself at age 7 with my auburn hair and freckled face and grieved for her sense of worthlessness.
I said to her,"It's alright for you to come out of hiding. ou no longer have to hold your breath for the pain to pass. You no longer have to tip toe around and pretend you don't feel. You no longer need to follow other people's direction. I have a good head on my shoulders and a loving heart in my chest and I will not allow anyone to step on your wings again. You are colorful and beautiful with a voice that deserves to be heard and a brilliance which deserves to shine. Breath in and receive your good. I will be your support through every storm.
P.S. Your voice deserves to be heard as well. Contribute to a discussion