Journey and Ramblings of Recovery by Author, Catherine Lyon . . .

I continue my recovery from my book "Addicted To Dimes" and information about my Addicted Compulsive Gambling, Childhood trauma & abuse, Dark family secrets, Recovery, and I ADVOCATE for those who can not, who have no voice, who suffer from Mental & Emotional illness & disorders. Gambling addiction is REAL, and it destroys lives. I have no ill will towards those who can gamble normally, but I many others can NOT. It's time we talk, inform, educate, and SHATTER the STIGMA of those who choose to live life in recovery! And for those who battle these other important topics.

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“More of my Recovery Ramblings & Mental Health Journey~Is Fear still lingering”?

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Hello Recovery Friends and Welcome New Visitors,


Many of us who live with Dual Diagnosed Mental Illness, and live in Recovery can have a much more difficult time overcoming some of the daily fears we think and feel. I have Agoraphobia with panic disorder. Hard to explain the different type of 'Fear' then just having panic disorder. This is how it's defined ...

AGORAPHOBIA:

Definition:

Agoraphobia is an irrational fear of being trapped in places or situations where escape could be difficult or impossible. People with agoraphobia often will not leave the house. It often occurs in association with panic disorder . In this case, the affected people may fear that help will not be available in certain places in case a panic attack occurs.

Causes:

The exact cause is unknown. Most people develop agoraphobia after having panic attacks. Afraid of having another attack, an agoraphobic avoids places and situations that have triggered an attack. Factors that may contribute to the development of this phobia include:

 development of this phobia include:

  • Genetics
  • Changes in brain chemistry or activity
  • Having a nervous system that reacts excessively, even to normal stimuli
  • Increased awareness of physical changes (such as increased heart rate)
  • Distorted thinking, which may start a cycle of fear

    Changes or genetic problems in the nervous system (brain and nerves) may contribute to agoraphobia ...

    Risk Factors:

    These factors increase your chance of developing agoraphobia. Tell your doctor if you have any of these risk factors:
    • A tendency to be nervous or anxious
    • Stressful situations
    • Family members with panic disorder or phobias
    • Age: 18-65
    • Sex: female
    • Other psychiatric disorders
    • Personality disorder


             

Both my psychiatrist and primary doctors have told me that some of my condition comes from my past addicted gambling addiction. It has also affected my heart beat too. So I take medication for it. Also learning more life skills have helped some.
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Don't let the fear of failure stop you from doing what you were called to do! Kick FEAR to the curb and move on!
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There has been a few things bothering me the last couple of days.

I have thought of my mom recently of her passing in 2003, and the legacy of bad behaviors she left behind. Now I’m not ‘mom or dad bashing at all, I’m sharing because I also been thinking of my dad as well. His 80th birthday is coming up at the end of this month, and it’s coming on almost 9 1/2 years since we have had any communication. I have been thinking of the FEAR around not making some form of effort or amends with him before he pass’s away. I have shared a little in the past about this subject, but it’s the FEAR that seems to be driving my thoughts about this.

Been thinking of my own life a lot to, and fear around how short of time I may have myself before I move on to the next realm. Which I hope is Heaven, but not one of us can say for sure if we will. Thanks to one of the Mental/Emotional disorders I battle,  Agoraphobia with Panic, my ‘fears” can be a little extraordinary Some of my fears are, “did I do enough in my lifetime to help others?  or did I even put a dent in, or leave a recovery foot print & some goodness here on this earth”? After all the devastation I caused to a lot of people within my addiction, the dependency on my husband due to my mental health disorders, and the daily challenges that comes with it, have I been working enough on the inside of myself personally, and within my recovery?

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I wonder this sometimes. My main mission in life was God-given, as I try to ‘walk by Faith not by Sight’ …
But even with having a strong faith in a power greater than myself,  my mind can trick me into feeling at times, Less Then”, which can be a litter ‘left overs’ of the disease of addiction. When I feel like I’m entering a danger zone?

I unpack that big box of tools I use in my recovery, and my box of life skills I’m still learning in my therapy. Yes, I’m back in therapy for a bit, as my psychiatrist thinks that damn PTSD from the  trauma I endured from my childhood has been back and bothering me again with the bad dreams.

So I ask myself, “when will this ever end”?  If I was to be able to look in the future, say 20 years ago, and someone said that this is where I’d be at 51? I’d have said there CRAZY! See, we just never know what is prepared for us in gods path.
So I have to believe, and to look at all I have been through, even to current, is a learning experience. It’s up to me to figure out what all this means. But when “FEAR” comes knocking, my mind is off and running again with doubt.

Why is that? I guess that is a question I’ll need to explore. Is it just me or can our life journey be that complicated?

I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is that I need to reel this all in a bit. WHY?

Because it robs me of my peace, serenity, and makes me feel at times, unstable. That’s what fear can do. It makes us second guess ourselves. Now, maybe normal people can not think twice about it. But for a person who has mental/emotional distress, it’s challenging to ignore at times.
I do know that a little of those ‘uncomfortable feelings’ remind me of the worst part of my life, the past two suicide attempts I had. I’m sure that’s where some of the fear comes from as well …

So it’s why I come and write how I’m feeling. I have so many of you who come support me, and you accept me for ME! That means so much to me. It makes me know and feel that I’m not alone. I always get good feed back anytime I seem to have a little “bump in the road”! Have I told you all thank you for that lately?  Well, THANK YOU!
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When we use our blogs to share about Mental Health, Addiction Problems and Recovery, or even speak about how Childhood Trauma has affected us in the now,  it is the only way I know of to be able to shed light on these issues that touch millions of us everyday. Back to my dad. See my family don’t understand at all any of these important issues. They treat me ‘different’. Hard to explain how, but they do.

SO Don’t let others treat you different …
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It’s easier said then done I know, but if we speak up and speak out, it’s the only way to help SHATTER STIGMA, Raise Awareness, Inform, and help Educate others about these important issues. Yes, my mouth can get me in hot water at times, but when it comes to speaking out, Well, I do because IT’S WORTH IT!

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Much Happiness & Blessings All,
Catherine Townsend-Lyon, Author



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I live life in recovery, but my "PASSION" is also writing, blogging, authoring more books, and Advocating to help others in recovery. To help educate the public on the dangers of becoming addicted to gambling. I've achieved almost 8 years in recovery. I recently had to relocate from So. Oregon to Sunny Arizona. I've been married to my Soul-Mate for 25 years. I'm a Christian, a Cat Lover, 1/2 Italian and I have a Big Voice! ...LOL.


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