Ever find yourself thinking obsessively about your addicted loved one, wondering where they are, what they are doing, what they are thinking, if they are okay? Ever think that if you stop checking on them something terrible will happen and that if it weren't for them, your life would be so much better?
If so, you are not alone. One of the signs of codependency is being unable to stop thinking, talking, and building your life around your loved one. Notice, I said 'loved one' and not 'addicted loved one'.
In Alanon, there's a saying that you belong here if you are troubled by someone's drinking. In other words, it's not their problem, it is yours. You are troubled.
So the next time you find yourself obsessing about your loved one's drinking, drugging, smoking or other difficult behavior, remember that it truly is NOT about them. It's about YOU. It's about how you are spending the precious seconds, moments, hours and days of YOUR life.
Loving someone who uses is difficult.True. But, how and whether we respond or react to their behavior says more about us and our recovery than it does about theirs.
Have you considered the value of a loving response? Check out the attached survey "do you behave in a loving way toward your addict survey.pdf" to see where you are in terms of being loving with your using loved one.
Obsessing, worrying, controlling, yelling, begging, and manipulating are not loving behaviors. Yet we exhibit these behaviors when we are at our wits end about how to help our loved ones.
There is a better way! And it is called Recovery!
This better way can be found at any Alanon or Naranon meeting. It can be found in the talks after the meetings, the phone conversations with friends met there or with a loving sponsor.
Or, if you prefer one on one help, without involvement with a group, a family recovery coach can help you find a better way to deal with the challenges facing you as the loved one of a person struggling with drugs or alcohol.
You are not alone.
To learn more, visit my blog at 12stepfamily.com .
Until next week,