Someone I love dearly is deteriorating before my eyes due to her addiction. She quit smoking, but has severe COPD as a result of the years she did smoke. Because she can't smoke, her addiction has morphed into food addiction. Her small frame is crumbling under the additional weight and burden of damaged lungs. She takes a few steps and has to sit down to catch her breath. She is forced to accept an oxygen tank.
I break down and cry and tell her I am extremely worried about her. I tell her there is nothing morally wrong with her. I tell her she suffers from the same addiction I suffer from. I remind her I once couldnt stop throwing up my food. I remind her I once couldnt stop doing cocaine and smoking cigarettes. I remind her that treatment and therapy and 12 step programs work and they will work for her if she accepts some help.
I tell her she is worth it. I urge her to put herself first. I let her know everyone will be fine if she goes away and concentrates on getting the support she deserves. I take a deep breath and pray to G-d she is hearing me. I pray to G-d she will be open. She worries that I am worried and she tries to assure me she is taking steps to help herself. Unfortunately, I sense that without a Higher Power (namely, a community of liked minded people who can understand and support her), she will have no defense against the first whatever. She will make a million commitments to "being better this time" and fail. She will swear against the hamburger and fries and wonder how they ended up in her mouth again.
I am not a pessimist. I have faith in G-d, but I also believe a person has to accept the Good in order for it to work in his or her life. All too often we block our own Good with Ego and negativity. We say "it won't work for me" or "I am different" or "I should be able to do this on my own." I hate the fact that I am powerless over the addiction in someone I adore. I hate the fact that with all the knowledge and resources I have at my disposal and all the connections I can make for her, it is not enough to change her.
I have to let go and let G-d. I can work my own program so I can show up for her to understand her and support her. When I think about what other people could have done to help me turn my own addiction around, I think love and compassion are always a great help.
