"Alcoholics/addicts don't get angry-they are angry," a friend said. All too often, the alcoholic/addict criticizes and blames those around him for his/her dissatisfaction in life. The alcoholic believes that he or she would be happy if he or she was divorced from certain people or situations. I have never met an alcoholic in his cups so to speak, who can acknowledge his part in the problems he faces. Instead, fingers are pointed at other people, nothing changes and everyone around the alcoholic (including the alcoholic) suffers.
While it is true that other people misbehave and harm us, I do not subscribe to the belief that I am faultless when I am harmed by other people's actions. Because of recovery, I realize that I always have a part in any situation I suffer. How I react to to other people's actions is completely up to me and that is my part.
Sometimes my oversensitivity prevents me from seeing things in a proper light. Sometimes my anger over having to be the bigger person and rise above other people's limitations annoys me. Eventually, however, I remember that hurting people hurt people and I make the adjustments I can. I don't always possess the tolerance and compassion I would like to possess in an instant, but I do eventually develop those qualities once I accept that my happiness is not contingent on other people's actions-it is contingent on my own proper perspective and my ability to live my truth no matter the consequences.
P.S. If someone you love is making your life unmanageable, contact me and let me know how I can help.