My son is entering Kindergarten tomorrow. I am forty four years old. I am a late bloomer and, yes, I am blooming right along side my little guy! It's hard to think about the experience he is going to have at school without reflecting back on my own experience growing up.
Recovery has given me so many tools. Despite the fact that both he and I are nervous about his first day because we don't know what to expect, I can be present for my son in a way I could not be present for myself as a young girl. I remember laying awake at night before the first night of school and having a hard time falling asleep. I had knots in my stomach from the anticipation of who would be in my class, if I would like my teacher, and whether my outfit was cute enough.
As smart and capable as I was, I think I always felt a bit more self-conscious than most. I was ultra sensitive. I never felt I was good enough. I was a chameleon who could fit into any crowd. I notice a lot of similarities between my son and I and I am so thankful I have my spiritual set of tools to help him in his journey.
Without projecting, I am prepared to acknowledge and understand his feelings and meet him where he is. I am prepared to pray for his good and trust that all will be well. I am prepared to weather any storm, without drinking or drugging, and be a power of example to him day by day. I am prepared to be his cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, inspiration and Truth.
I may not be the most involved or knowledgable mom about school etiquette, but I am certain there is not a parent out there who is more equipped than me to teach my son the joy in learning, the gift in giving and the abundance of miracles in every experience. AA has taught me how to suit up and show up and expect good things to happen as long as I stay sober. Back to school is something I experience everytime I wake up to life and I hope my son always enjoys learning as much as I do.
P.S. Why don't you