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Category contains 2 blog entries contributed to teamblogs

Posted by on in Drug Addiction

I started with lines of Meth but quickly wanted to try shooting it. I asked one of my friends who was shooting Meth and he said to me, “This will change your life.” I thought he was being dramatic, but in all honesty, it did change my life, because I got just as addicted to that needle as anything. It was all in the ritual and the process. Getting it, burning it, making it, pulling that cloud of blood, and pushing it back in. You get the taste of it in your mouth before it’s even in your body. I loved the ritual so much that if I had drugs but no needle, I’d hold onto the drugs until I could get one. It’s overwhelming what that needle did to me and how it controlled my life for the next ten years.

My drug addiction overtook my life and I started doing crazy things. I’d go to Las Vegas to score a bunch of dope get loaded for days on end. I’d sell drugs to support my habit, I began ripping off everyone I knew, and started to get into a little bit of trouble with the law.

Because of my hookups, I could get pills for around $5 each, then turn around and sell them for $40. I’d use the money to purchase Meth and Heroine. If I didn’t have the money, I’d steal, manipulate, and hustle to get the drugs. I’d even walk into convenience stores, grab two cases of beer, and walk right out like I owned the place. I wasn’t even stealing the good beer either, I’d take two 30-packs of Stroh’s because that’s as much as I could carry. One time a big Polynesian lady gave chase and, being 130 pounds, I couldn’t outrun her with a case in each hand. I was running as fast as I could but she was catching up to me, so I had to ditch one of the 30s. It must have looked really interesting to the bystanders as I ran down the road, hugging a case of 30s while a big Polynesian lady chased me.

I made it back to the hotel and was out on the front porch smoking a cigarette when I saw a police car pull up to the building. I knew that police car was coming for me, but I just didn’t have it in me to run anymore. That was a moment of clarity and serenity for me. I could have taken off and probably got away, because I would have had a huge head start, but I just sat there and smoked that cigarette. I watched them go to the lobby, come up the stairs, walk towards me, and I just surrendered right there. I wanted to be done using but I didn’t know how. I wanted to be sober, but I didn’t think it was possible for me, because once I got sober, that’s when the true pain would begin. They took me to the Utah county jail where I detoxed over the next few days. Detoxing in jail was terrible but I also think it might be the best way to do it. Nobody is going to come and check on you, see how you’re doing or what they can do for you. You just have to suffer and you can’t act like a little bitch about it because you’re in jail. I appeared before the same judge I had to present to many times before, and this judge had given me every chance in the past, but this time he was finally fed up with me and sentenced me to serve a year in jail.

This is a portion of an incredibly moving story I wrote about my friend. Please check out the rest of it at https://brightonrecoverycenter.com/needles-new-life-matts-story-rehab-recovery/

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

Why would a Utah rehab center want to particularly reach out to artists? According to the Center of Disease Control and Prevention, opioids kills 90 people in the U.S. every day, and, as it turns out, a disproportionate number of those deaths are artists.  

 

Artists, and musicians especially, find themselves victims of addiction for a number of reasons, but here we will talk about two of the biggest.

 

Depression:

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

Why The Stigma of Drug and Alcohol Addiction Holds Everyone Back

 

Stigma is the look on their face when they find out you've done drugs. It's the judgment that crossed their minds. It's the assumption that you must have a lesser mental capacity than most. It's having to lie about your past for fear of being viewed as a criminal. It's not always obvious, except to the addict and likely to those who have loved an addict. Common misconceptions include thinking that willpower can cure addiction, or that more severe punishments will motivate addicts to stop using. Many even think that terming addiction a ‘disease’ is just an excuse. When it comes to addiction recovery, this stigma can be the biggest hurdle of all.

 

Stigma increases the difficulty individuals and families face when seeking the help they desperately need. This results in many people preferring to delay or avoid treatment rather than face the stigma from co-workers, managers, friends, and even family. This tends to only deepens the isolation and the addictions. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has estimated that 22.7 million Americans need drug and alcohol addiction treatment, but only 2.5 million people receive it. That's less than a one in ten.

 

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

I have been using meth for nearly twenty years and have managed to live otherwise pretty healthy.  I don't lead the typical meth lifestyle and I eat and sleep and get lots of exercise.  I even have a job where I help out other addicts.  I am very isolated though and have no friends anymore and am very alone which I think makes it more difficult when trying to quit.  I really want to try though because I don't want to have to go away to rehab or something.  I would like to think that I can do it on my own.  I am just seeing what kind of resources and supports there are out there and hopefullyconnect with some others that are going through similar stuff as me.  I am just not feeling overly confident right now.  I appreciate any advice i can find about quitting.

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

After posting wild-eyed Southern Boys I realized I had sort of left the story open ended. Melvin ended up doing time for attempted capital murder. He did a long stretch in TDC. Because he continued to kill even after he was incarcerated, it was speculated that he would never get out. However the wheels of Justice do grind although slowly and he is now a free man. Paula Patton continue on in a life of meth addiction ultimately leading to her incarceration after being on probation for meth in four counties. She is in jail today.

I wanted to take a minute to discuss the progression of Meth over the years. When I started out doing it in 1986 it was called P2P. It was a far superior high than the drugs that followed. During the P2P days it was much more economical than its antecedentes. A very small amount was all that was required for a several-day high. One in which the user with perfectly satisfied for several days before beginning to want more. Its lineage goes like this P2P followed by anhydrous ammonia followed by/or accompanied by red phosphorus followed by today's meth ice. Ice is like a meth addicts crack. It's got little in the way of staying power as compared to its predecessors, but its what is most readily available. But when injected it does have a significant rush. Different people are attracted to different things when it comes to drugs. Some people are all about the rush. They prefer to do drugs that have an immediate intoxicating effect. When shooting ice, the user gets what you would call a sort of blow in your lungs. Almost an immediate expansion of your lungs. Hopefully to be followed by what users term "leg". As I said different people are attracted to different types. Some people will shop around for the best rush, other people we'll hold out for something with a little bit of staying power. Those who hold out want to stay awake sometimes days at a time. Back in the anhydrous, red phosphorus days, it was not unusual to locate meth that would keep you awake. Nothing however could compare to the days of P2P. Before authorities bottlenecked the purchase of ephedrine or pseudoephedrine, person after person taught another person, the black magic of cooking it. To the point where meth cooks were quite common. Amateur chemists, we're cooking at ounces and pounds of Meth at a time in a clandestine labs everywhere. I can only speak in the past tense because I have limited knowledge on where they're cooking it today. What I hear from the people that I know they are still involved with meth manufacturing and delivery tell me most of it originates in Mexico.

The most important thing that I can tell you about meth, in any form is that it's highly illegal. Possession, distribution, manufacturing, any traffic or trading of it in any form, is punishable by incarceration in every state in the United States. There is no safe place, nor safe way to be associated with it at all. It's all harmful, poisonous, and life-threatening. It will steal your health, your teeth and your future, your hopes, your dreams. It will rob you of your family. It's like the Grim Reaper. It's so very hard to shake off this particular monkey.

If you've never tried it for God sake don't. If you've tried it and find yourself captive by it, never give up the fight to get off it. You've got to keep trying or you for sure will never beat it. You never know which time will be the last time. Whether you beat it or whether they bury you with it. It's not glamorous or exciting or fun. It is a life changer, for the worse. It should come accompanied by a skull and cross bones. In a lifetime of disastrous decisions the one I would change, more so than any other would be the day I picked up a needle and a spoonful of meth. 

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