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Category contains 2 blog entries contributed to teamblogs

Posted by on in Drug Addiction

"No" whispered the dealer's wife. "No, don't say that."she continued reaching for the cell phone that her husband held out to her. "It's not what I said,"the dealer spoke, "it's what she said." the woman who was sitting crossed legged on the floor took the red cell phone and laid it momentarily in her lap as her thoughts scrambled. After a minute or two she picked up the phone that could now be heard saying "Hello? Are you there? Hello? Please don't hang up on me." the thready voice of Anita got a little louder, her volume rose in strength as her panic increased. The dealer's wife frowned then she put the phone to her ear. "Shhhh.....yes I'm here. Tell me again, where are you and what has happened? Where is Tim? Did you say he was hurt?" She could hear Anita breathing hard. In the background she could hear another voice."Who is that I hear besides you?" "That's Nicky, you know Nicky, my boy." Damn, thought the dealer's wife I'd forgotten he was there. "Just begin at our leaving earlier. Go from there forward." she told Anita. As she listened, Anita began to recount an ugly, emotional, physical struggle between the man, Tim, and the woman, Anita. It was full of insults, threats, cruel promises, and mockery, but not empty threats, no the threats had been followed with pushing, grabbing, punching, kicking, and choking. Finally the story began to take shape. They had fought, she had managed, somehow, to get her crushed up xanax into his beer. Then she had just let him beat on her until he began to stumble and slur. Them as he tried to grab her once more, she lifted her long neck beer bottle and with all her strength had hit him on the head. He had dropped like a stone in a pond according to the embattled woman."...and then I called you." Anita finished. "Me." Dallas said absently, "Me?" She slowly stood her heart racing, "ME? Who's phone did you call me from? Tim's? Did you call my cell phone number from a dead man's phone?" She reached up and pressed fingers against her temple with her free hand. Now her sluggish brain was racing. "Anita," the dealer's wife spoke very firmly. "I'm about to hang up. You may call me from a different number if you wish just not that one, I won't answer it again." And she hung up.

There was a silence then the room erupted into a center for solutions. Everyone in the room had an idea about how to handle things. Three of them talked rapidly, as one moved about the room quietly and took things out of her pockets and her purse finally picking up the Mustang keys. The three stopped and looked at her. Her husband spoke "And just where do you think you are going?" "To her side. to mass polices, to madd polices..........I don't know, but here's what I do know. pause  I can guestimate with some accuracy that this proves to be probably among her top 3 worst days ever. I barely know this lady but  if she dials my number in that moment, I'm honor bound to at least try to talk her i, the ledge ." and she walked out the door .and across the grassy incline to her car. She got down into the car and with a click, she shut the world out.

She turned the car onto the long winding driveway that led to the main roadifference and began surfing her contacts murmuring to herself as the names flitted by. Hmmm......who to call in the event of a murder. The obvious choice in this instance not so obvious in this upside-down world where the flow broke the law, rather than enforced the law. She read as she searched "Jack, Jay, Jeff Ingram, Jeff Schroeder, Jeff Young, John Bassett.........hmmm, she stopped scrolling and suddenly went to speed dial where she pressed Widow #2. She hummed along with her music. The phone number she was calling began to ring. Once, twice, three times then a throaty "Hello?" from the voice of one of the loveliest women that Dallas had ever met and coincidentally her best friend and road warrior when her man was in prison. She ran the drug world a merry chace with her unique style of doing business. Dallas told Widow of her delimma. "STAY AWAY!!" She didn't waste words. "I know you want to save the world but that's NOT YOUR PROBLEM." the Widow said flatly but not loudly. Dallas could hear the decidedly male murmuring in the background. "Got company? Who's the victim today?" Dallas swerved her car to avoid hitting a deer in the middle of the road. "Noone you will miss." The woman known as "Widow" laughed and hung up. The wife of the hook up called her mental health counselor and left a message with the woman's service, "EMERGENCY JANE IF YOU GET THIS CALL ME!!" Then hung up and left a duplicate message with her psychiatrist people. She hung up again. Everything in her wanted to run screaming into the darkness. She rifled her purse for her prescription of anti-anxiety medication and took a couple of them. She looked over at the blue rabbit that she saw appear in the passenger seat of the car. She quietly murmured to no one "Fill schizophrenic medication........and start taking them again." Finally a name came to her to call. This guy had seen it all. He would know what the best course of action would be. Quickly she called him. She had to call several times before he got the urgency of the call, because she never blew his phone up unless necessary, it was a system they had. Although they might not agree on everything they had a mutual respect for one another. She recounted the events of the evening to him and his reaction was completely what she was looking for. "Ok, I see, and who is the short straw tonight?" When she told him the name of the victim his demeanor completely changed, "NEGATIVE, GHOST RIDER!! DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT ENGAGE IN THIS SITUATION!!" He urgently warned her. The woman was utterly confused. He'd obviously wasn't shocked when she told him of the severity of the problem. Why now, would he tell her to bail on Anita. "The short straw is the nephew of a Sheriff in a neighboring county. You cannot save her, you can only hurt yourself at this point, she's gonna swing on this one." he quickly hung up.

As events turned out she never got the opportunity to see if she could "talk her in off the ledge", because Anita had gone to a far more law abiding house to try to locate a different phone number to call the dope man's wife from. While she waited she confessed to the phone/home owner who promptly called the proper authorities.

I probably chased a fox or two in the telling of that tale. Apologies. This tradegy could have been averted so many different ways but it culminated the way it did. Something lighter next time I promise. STILL, ALL IN ALL, mixing mental illness with ANY controlled or illegal substance is a cocktail for tradegy. Thank you for your time. Boots 

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

Sorry it took so long to get this next post published but I was almost finished with it already but accidentally deleted it while laying it down for a minute. I was sick about it because it's a poignant picture of how far drugs will put a person. Bad situation? Just add drugs--instant tradegy. It's no joke, just say no. 

There once was a couple who dabbled with a few different things that each carried it's own risk of death. They were both alcoholics, both meth addicts, he was literally psychotic and she was crazy for staying with him and even more so for bringing her 12yr old along for the ride. So excessive booze, speed, mental illness and abusive behavior, that would be the cocktail. One evening they we're staying in a cheap motel and they called their hookup who presently showed up. She was sitting in her car getting her tools of the trade to bring in. She looked up and saw him frantically waving her into the room. Hurriedly she got her stuff and dashed inside thinking that something was happening that she might not even want to stay to see. As she rushed past him he shut the door behind her and resumed his position at the window. "What the hell is all the rush about?  Is the law involved in any way?" the hookup asked. "Oh no." said the girl staying in the room said whose name we'll call Anita. "Not the law, something more serious." Anita replied. "Really? Something more serious than the law? What on earth is more serious than the law?" the hook inquired. "Tell her Tim. Tell her about the injustice earlier." Tim just shussed Anita. "Yes Tim I need to know about any potential danger hereabouts." The dealer pressed Tim to explain. Finally Anita said "Tell her Tim, tell her about the little men who came in under the door and stole your Papa Roach cd."What?" the lady said, "The little men?  Really?" She said and immediately began to put all her tools up and got ready to leave. "Look, I am all about taking care of people and that's exactly what I'm going to do. No more for you two tonight." She said not unkindly". "You guys need to lay it down when little men begin to appear and take anything away, that's what I always do and it's my policy not to give anything to anybody else who might be having trouble with the little bastards." With that the lady picked up her things and walked out the door. 

I tell you that so you'll appreciate the extent that meth will twist the mind of people who might be dealing with even mild dementia. Now for the real story. 

The couple holding the drugs came in from Dallas one weekend. She was the witness to the "little men skitz". And every since that day,  she had been uncomfortable doing business with Tim. But her newly freed husband was all about the dollar. He never listened to the concerns from his wife about who to trust and who she had heard bad things about. He behaved like a "baller" and wasn't going to be told how to sell dope advice from anyone. Especially not from his old lady. So she had no authority over who got what. Her husband was the shot caller.

So it was that they pulled into the isolated little white house that fateful night. They pulled up to see Tim and Anita "squared off" as if they were boxing. Some sort of liquid dripping from her hair. The wife of the dealer got out of the car and said "What's this? The fights?" Anita turned and went up the stairs into the little house, the woman followed her inside. She could hear Tim roar his drunken hello out to his hookup. Inside the two women went into the kitchen and sat down. Evidence of a night of hard drinking was apparent. Anita, using her fingers to wipe through her wet tangled hair spoke in a monotone. "Tim threw a cup of beer at my face right before you guys pulled up. For no reason." The lady from Dallas reached across and with one finger lifted a strand of damp hair out of Anita's weary face and sighed. Then she spoke "Girl, this is so unnecessary. Let me put you into a motel tonight. It's no problem. But you guys will just keep on fighting when we leave, you'll just be wired and fighting." "No" responded Anita. "I've got 6 white bars (5mg xanax) and I'll just take a couple and go to bed." The Dallas lady frowned. "If you were gonna do that you'd have already done it by now. No you're gonna have your hand out as soon as we drive down the driveway, probably sooner. Yall are what? Drunk, high, pilled out and now going to be wired? Please let me get you a room somewhere. I'll make my old man hook you up. Tim seems wild eyed tonight." "No" Anita spoke flatly "I'm not going anywhere. I've always been the one who leaves, but not this time. I'm not leaving my home again. Enough is enough." she finished. Truth be told, the lady dishing out advice had only met Anita about four times in all and scarcely was one to issue out life direction in light of her own train wreck history. She pressed one more time to try to help the wild eyed woman. "Are you sure about the motel? You guys are in the middle of nowhere. Your 45 minutes from the nearest store. Please reconsider." Anita firmly shook her head. Dallas sighed. "Your call. I don't like it." And they both stood. "Are you about ready in there?" the hookup asked. "Yes, I think so." his wife replied as she came down the little stairs into the garage. The hookup and his wife headed to the car together. Both got in and got everything arranged to "roll dirty" as safely as possible. As he began to back out sh raised her hand to rest on his arm and asked "Did he buy anything?" "40" he replied. "Thank goodness it's not more than that. I hate that they got any at all. This is a bad scene with him knocking her around again. So whos next?" "Boss" he replied. 


Posted by on in Drug Addiction

This is two one post. My very loyal friend Grace was asst manager at the biggest craft store in the region and loved her job and was very good at it. Her boyfriend was not nearly so ambitious. Between jobs perpetually but wasn't one to be accountable even to Grace. I immediately liked Grace. She was not the kind of person who waited on her opportunities to find her, she found them. Yes we both sold meth, pretty smoothly because while our better(that's a laugh)halves were greedy, we were just trying to get by. I specifically gave away easily as much as is old.So one night her man is planning on pulling off a cook in their two bedroom duplex with Grace's mother in the unit directly next door sleeping. Facts become sketchy here. I know she heard a loud noise and looked in her living room walls at the flames climbing up the walls.

Same time, completely different situation and location. Although I couldn't stand the bitch, Derricks little trick. She had come to town for God knows why and the minute she hit town, climbed in my pocket and wherefore I went so went she. While she was in town Grace and I learned from Goldilocks, (her boyfriend) that a very close friend of many people was about to get busted and no one moved a muscle. That's an other story. The morning before the fire, I had gone to Dallas to score. I got a call from Nastyshanks telling me to buy every grain I could find, that it was all sold in Galveston. So I spent every penny on the shit thinking to sprint into Galveston, sell out,  run back to Dallas, reup then go back to my home turf........... Not so said the dope gods. "It's your turn to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Before trying to drive myself that far,  I had recruited one of Derrick's yard- dogs to drive me while I mapped. It didn't require a huge amount of time before I was aware that something was amiss. But I'd been awake about 36hrs  and thought it might be my exhaustion. SO I didn't say anything but his bizarre behavior just got worse.  He couldn't watch where we we're headed because he was too busy watching behind us. Finally I said quite loudly "What in the hell is wrong with you. You're gonna kill both of us. Your skitzing your brains out. When did you last sleep and how long? " he replied "Umm I slept a couple of hours about four days ago. " Great I thought I was getting a safer driver than myself,  not so. I made him pull over and I -got in the driver's seat.  I'd gotten a couple of hours of sleep on the way down and was feeling better. After getting directions we found -the rundown,  questionable motel, especially when the hotel clerk asked me if I wanted a room by the hour or overnight. "No thanks,  we are just visiting someone." We got to her room and went in and I sat in a tired old chair beside a little round table. The room was dimly lit by a lone light bulb struggling to illuminate the dingy room. "Well baller, you can call your people and tell them to come on. " She was nervously peeping out the window. I repeated myself. She finally came over and said "Can we do some now? " I hesitated for a minute then said "Nastyshanks, your people, can't you get in touch with them? " She said "OK, what do we do next? " I simply stared at her with a bad feeling in my gut. "Do you or don't you have some of this shit sold? " I asked "Oh that, well I got fired from that "modeling" job cuz i was asking everyone if they wanted some shit cuz I had a lot coming into town". I let my head fall forward in utter dismay. How..... Why?  What would make me spend everything but 75¢ of my money based on ANY-BODY'S word much less the word of a feinding hooker? I pressed her asking "Do you mean you don't know even one person with $20 to spend?" She shook her empty head no. "And you don't have any money at all,  is -that right? " She nodded. "Well" I said "Your not a very good hooker, are you? " the yarddog jumped in with "Can't you see she's really afraid?  Look at her. " I thought a minute then said "Would some dope help honey? " I asked sympathically.  She paused in her window peeping and after a couple seconds said "Maybe." "Well better pick your curb well then cuz you aren't even going to look at what I brought you, you bobble headed idliot.  Do you realize the throwed off situation you have put me in? I am broke and need gas to even leave this motel much less to drive four hours to get home."She said "I'm sorry.  It was so easy last week when I was in town with you last week ." "that was in MY HOMETOWN WHERE I KNOW EVERYBODY I NEED TO KNOW!! " I had gotten loud."Well I'm going to sleep since I don't know what else to do. " and I fell across the bed after duct taping everything including cigarettes to my belly. Hey it's ugly but necessary. Some places you have to put your shoes under your head in order to have them when you got up. Even then you better not sleep to hard. I slept deeply and into the night. When I awoke I felt physically better, hungry but better. I bought a candy bar with my 75¢ and ate it all without any guilt. Finally in desperation I dug through my laundry in my trunk and found a couple of items of clothing that I could return them to the large retail store that I'd bought them at. I got about $15 and that would get me close enough to home that I could offer to pay for them to drive down and bring me enough money to get me home. 

We we're parked right beside a laundromat beside a very busy freeway.  I had gassed up and was telling my useless driver that it was time to go. Nastyshanks was bawling because she didn't know what she was going to do. She was laying it on thick when my phone rang. It was Grace and I could barely understand her.  "Shut up!" I shouted trying to hear and be heard above her snot slinging and traffic. Finally I made out what she was saying. Her duplex and her Mama's next door had been utterly laid to waste by the bomb like explosion from her boyfriend trying to whip up a little something something at night after she'd gone -to bed. You're joking, right? " I said incredulously. Her sobs needed no reply. "So where's the wannabe chef now? And how's your Mom? Will you be able to salvage anything? "I said hopefully. Still sobbing she said almost hysterically "You don't understand. It exploded just like a bomb had been dropped on it. There's nothing,  nothing left but the slab." I was instantly furious with Goldilocks for putting them atp risk like that. For months the ATF dogged Grace's every step to the point where sadly she was called in and told she had missed too much time and the constant questioning of the local, state and federal authorities we're keeping her from her work. Oh yeah she and I we're on the phone together at her most stressful day on record and the hooker made the mistake of whining "I'm just gonna kill myself,  nobody cares". Only the yard dogs speedy action kept her from my determined reach. "I'm SO sorry girl I should be there but I'll be there as soon as possible but first I must help this hooker commit suicide." I was struggling to grab her all the while telling her that I would put her out of everyones misery and just sling her skinny ass right over the fence beside the freeway. "You'll be completely unconscious by the time the third car hits you.  I was utterly serious and the yard dog had seen me pull a gun on more than a few occasions with every intention of firing it. He managed to get her wadded into her pos car,  jumped into the drivers seat and drove her raggedy ghetto ride.  I didn't worry cuz I figured with no gas and no money they'd never reach the city limits,  but like the fishes and the loaves a MIRACLE OCCURED. She somehow with nothing to get it with, she got gas to take her all the way to my neighborhood. Nasty bitch. BUT I'VE PUT ALL THAT BEHIND ME AND SINCERELY WISH HER NO ILL WINDS. I believe strongly in karma these days. Whatsoever you sow, so you shall reap. I try to help every person I come into contact with. I've known some ugly people,  ugly from the inside out. Killers.Now I try to find the site of they're gushing wound. Well it's late, hope someone out there can draw strength from my chaotic life. I'm a survivor, an overcomer, a soldier in the war on addiction. Thank you for your time. 


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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

While my fourth ex husband whom I shall name Toothless, as he tweaked all his teeth out of his head and then told me that no one could tell the difference. Yeah buddy keep telling yourself that. I could have pointed out that just because people were too polite to say "My gracious, what on earth happened to your mouth? " Or point out that it was like having a giant booger, no one wants to mention it and will look everywhere except at it. But when I finally got an eyewitness to his cheating and could speak my mind I took full advantage of the freedom to express my feelings on his paying in dope, "OUR" dope for 16yr old and 17 yr old and 18 yr old, girls who we're strung out on method and we're far too young for him, much less slaking his thirst on children and watching videos with beastality and other videos with girls of questionable age having to satisy a roomful of men or else some strange..... I'm sorry but I could replay his lies and never get tired.  The point was he was in the penitentiary. So my right hand became a lovely hard hustling girl ten years my junior, but my equal in the hardball reality that we we were stuck in. We were living out of my car, literally. On weekends we raced to Dallas. We had located a very nice townhouse for about $1200 a week. $300 for just the two day weekend.  It came fully furnished and all we had to provide was food. We also managed to get in thru a friend with a local, well-known motorcycle club and often hung out at their fortress of a clubhouse. I must admit that racing down Central Expressway riding on the back of a Harley that you could have bought a house with, radio blasting in a long line of leather and Harley's. One of my friends who was a bit older was telling me how his second wife wouldn't give him a divorce and how he wired a bomb in her glove box intending to kill her but ended up only doing enough damage that she would require care for the rest of her life. She didn't press charges and he paid for her medical expenses. He told it as calmly as if he were reading a grocery list.  He's dead now.  God rest his soul.  But I wanted to tell you about the "rolling method lab" as the law and the local press deemed it. IT was a cute little maroon Lumina late model. I adored it.  Well my friend and I had been on a long "gathering"night and met up with a cook that I'll call Cowboy. He was so young and funny and a cutie. After a hard night gathering we we're ready to crash, so we loaded the car with the outrageous ingredients and I handed him the keys and we began our wait.  Noon came and went finally I had no choice but to call my Daddy cuz no matter what I slept at home with my children.  I had been blowing his phone up for hours. FINALLY I get a phone call from my ride or die buddy who had stayed at his hotel room,  the two of them mixed a little business with pleasure. But she soundleod panicked and since it was the next day she sent someone to scoop me up. I got to the hotel room and her words tumbled out of the rushing flow of words, I caught a few;  busted……nothing to reimburse us……your car...... and I stopped being interested in anything but my baby,  my ride.  It turned out that Cowboy had been driving around, cook in progress,  toxic fumes, a few thousand dollars at stake and drove into his buddy, Speedy we'll call him and the fog was so -thick that he didn't see the bust in progress going on already. So they both went to jail along with about 8,000 ephedrine pills, around 40 lithium batteries, I don't even remember remember how many cans of starter fluid in arresol cans, a case of coffee filters AND he'd got busted in my car. That's an automatic seizure.  I was despondent,  until I was told that the narcotics squad had let someone move my car about four blocks and parked it with the keys in it. Elation at first,  then paranoia. Was this some kind of set-up? Nothing to do but drive it somewhere else and thoroughly search it. Which we did. But two men's futures we're stamped with the word felon and they forfeited many basic rights and will as long as they live. Well it's early and I need some java. I'd wanted to elaborate on the dangers of manufacturing but another time.  Thanks for your time. 

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

While rehab may seem like vacations of sorts, it doesn’t count as a “vacation”. Leaving your town, city, state, and country can be intimidating and worrying. Depending on the circumstances, even a nice trip or vacation can be something to stress over in early sobriety. Why do we worry? Well, we are leaving our homegroup, where we have hopefully made some friends and are connected with. We are going awhile without our sponsor, which we hopefully have, and getting out of our normal routine. It can be easy to forget to pray and meditate on trips, or how good our recovery is back at home.


Too New in Recovery to Travel?

How do we deal with this? Is it easy to take a vacation or trip in early recovery and stay sober and clean? I believe that , YES, is not only possible to  stay sober on vacations to enjoy them like never before. By following a few tips, we can be the life of the party without a sip of alcohol or other drugs. Discover how to take your new sobriety to distant lands and faraway places, bringing it back intact

  • Pack Up and Bring Along Your Spiritual Toolkit – “We had no alternative but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet” (Big Book pg. 25). Whether you know it or not, you have your own person spiritual took kit, that grows and improves with time and growth. For example reading, prayer, exercise, journaling, literature to read, and whatever we have learned so far in our  recovery.
  • Pick Who You Travel With Carefully – If you are travelling with family, you may be powerless over who is coming along for the trip. If you are planning a trip, make sure you feel comfortable around everyone. If there is one or more people also in sobriety on your vacation then even better! Sometimes AA or NA groups do cruise ships or road trips together to conferences, service, or just some relaxation, and they tend to be unforgettable!.
  • Use Your Phone – Its the 21st century people, you can communicate quickly and effortless to dozens of recovery friends , family, or you sponsor. Your phone also has the ability to access literally thousands of speaker tapes, recovery talks, and meditations. Start out your day with a nice meditation. When agitated or on an airplane, listen to a speaker tape. The ideas are limitless. The phone can help you connect when you are in a strange place. There are even meeting apps for finding support while  traveling.
  • Reach Out, Don’t be Afraid! – In most meetings, the chairperson asks if there are any visitors. This is meant to allow the person visiting a chance to say hello and often signals they may need some extra attention after the meeting. In my meetings, if someone is visiting I usually ask them about where they are from and their homegroup. It is interesting the differences between recovery and sobriety in different locations. I’ve heard people in meetings share “I was so nervous that I wouldn’t find a place to come during my vacation, I am so glad to have found you guys!” Other times they are less appreciative and brag about how they do it back home. Usually people are extra nice to visitors, and can recommend other meetings, places to check out, and of course coffee shops
  • Have an Escape Plan – No matter what kind of vacation you are taking, cruise, road-trip, or hotel, have an escape plan of sorts if things get hairy. Make sure you have a safe place to fall back to or your own room in the hotel, so you can get some alone time if your buddies get a little wild. If you bring along your spiritual tools or travel with sober pals then you most likely won’t have to use your escape plan at all!

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