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Category contains 2 blog entries contributed to teamblogs

Posted by on in Drug Addiction

Sorry it took so long to get this next post published but I was almost finished with it already but accidentally deleted it while laying it down for a minute. I was sick about it because it's a poignant picture of how far drugs will put a person. Bad situation? Just add drugs--instant tradegy. It's no joke, just say no. 

There once was a couple who dabbled with a few different things that each carried it's own risk of death. They were both alcoholics, both meth addicts, he was literally psychotic and she was crazy for staying with him and even more so for bringing her 12yr old along for the ride. So excessive booze, speed, mental illness and abusive behavior, that would be the cocktail. One evening they we're staying in a cheap motel and they called their hookup who presently showed up. She was sitting in her car getting her tools of the trade to bring in. She looked up and saw him frantically waving her into the room. Hurriedly she got her stuff and dashed inside thinking that something was happening that she might not even want to stay to see. As she rushed past him he shut the door behind her and resumed his position at the window. "What the hell is all the rush about?  Is the law involved in any way?" the hookup asked. "Oh no." said the girl staying in the room said whose name we'll call Anita. "Not the law, something more serious." Anita replied. "Really? Something more serious than the law? What on earth is more serious than the law?" the hook inquired. "Tell her Tim. Tell her about the injustice earlier." Tim just shussed Anita. "Yes Tim I need to know about any potential danger hereabouts." The dealer pressed Tim to explain. Finally Anita said "Tell her Tim, tell her about the little men who came in under the door and stole your Papa Roach cd."What?" the lady said, "The little men?  Really?" She said and immediately began to put all her tools up and got ready to leave. "Look, I am all about taking care of people and that's exactly what I'm going to do. No more for you two tonight." She said not unkindly". "You guys need to lay it down when little men begin to appear and take anything away, that's what I always do and it's my policy not to give anything to anybody else who might be having trouble with the little bastards." With that the lady picked up her things and walked out the door. 

I tell you that so you'll appreciate the extent that meth will twist the mind of people who might be dealing with even mild dementia. Now for the real story. 

The couple holding the drugs came in from Dallas one weekend. She was the witness to the "little men skitz". And every since that day,  she had been uncomfortable doing business with Tim. But her newly freed husband was all about the dollar. He never listened to the concerns from his wife about who to trust and who she had heard bad things about. He behaved like a "baller" and wasn't going to be told how to sell dope advice from anyone. Especially not from his old lady. So she had no authority over who got what. Her husband was the shot caller.

So it was that they pulled into the isolated little white house that fateful night. They pulled up to see Tim and Anita "squared off" as if they were boxing. Some sort of liquid dripping from her hair. The wife of the dealer got out of the car and said "What's this? The fights?" Anita turned and went up the stairs into the little house, the woman followed her inside. She could hear Tim roar his drunken hello out to his hookup. Inside the two women went into the kitchen and sat down. Evidence of a night of hard drinking was apparent. Anita, using her fingers to wipe through her wet tangled hair spoke in a monotone. "Tim threw a cup of beer at my face right before you guys pulled up. For no reason." The lady from Dallas reached across and with one finger lifted a strand of damp hair out of Anita's weary face and sighed. Then she spoke "Girl, this is so unnecessary. Let me put you into a motel tonight. It's no problem. But you guys will just keep on fighting when we leave, you'll just be wired and fighting." "No" responded Anita. "I've got 6 white bars (5mg xanax) and I'll just take a couple and go to bed." The Dallas lady frowned. "If you were gonna do that you'd have already done it by now. No you're gonna have your hand out as soon as we drive down the driveway, probably sooner. Yall are what? Drunk, high, pilled out and now going to be wired? Please let me get you a room somewhere. I'll make my old man hook you up. Tim seems wild eyed tonight." "No" Anita spoke flatly "I'm not going anywhere. I've always been the one who leaves, but not this time. I'm not leaving my home again. Enough is enough." she finished. Truth be told, the lady dishing out advice had only met Anita about four times in all and scarcely was one to issue out life direction in light of her own train wreck history. She pressed one more time to try to help the wild eyed woman. "Are you sure about the motel? You guys are in the middle of nowhere. Your 45 minutes from the nearest store. Please reconsider." Anita firmly shook her head. Dallas sighed. "Your call. I don't like it." And they both stood. "Are you about ready in there?" the hookup asked. "Yes, I think so." his wife replied as she came down the little stairs into the garage. The hookup and his wife headed to the car together. Both got in and got everything arranged to "roll dirty" as safely as possible. As he began to back out sh raised her hand to rest on his arm and asked "Did he buy anything?" "40" he replied. "Thank goodness it's not more than that. I hate that they got any at all. This is a bad scene with him knocking her around again. So whos next?" "Boss" he replied. 


Posted by on in Drug Addiction

This is two one post. My very loyal friend Grace was asst manager at the biggest craft store in the region and loved her job and was very good at it. Her boyfriend was not nearly so ambitious. Between jobs perpetually but wasn't one to be accountable even to Grace. I immediately liked Grace. She was not the kind of person who waited on her opportunities to find her, she found them. Yes we both sold meth, pretty smoothly because while our better(that's a laugh)halves were greedy, we were just trying to get by. I specifically gave away easily as much as is old.So one night her man is planning on pulling off a cook in their two bedroom duplex with Grace's mother in the unit directly next door sleeping. Facts become sketchy here. I know she heard a loud noise and looked in her living room walls at the flames climbing up the walls.

Same time, completely different situation and location. Although I couldn't stand the bitch, Derricks little trick. She had come to town for God knows why and the minute she hit town, climbed in my pocket and wherefore I went so went she. While she was in town Grace and I learned from Goldilocks, (her boyfriend) that a very close friend of many people was about to get busted and no one moved a muscle. That's an other story. The morning before the fire, I had gone to Dallas to score. I got a call from Nastyshanks telling me to buy every grain I could find, that it was all sold in Galveston. So I spent every penny on the shit thinking to sprint into Galveston, sell out,  run back to Dallas, reup then go back to my home turf........... Not so said the dope gods. "It's your turn to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Before trying to drive myself that far,  I had recruited one of Derrick's yard- dogs to drive me while I mapped. It didn't require a huge amount of time before I was aware that something was amiss. But I'd been awake about 36hrs  and thought it might be my exhaustion. SO I didn't say anything but his bizarre behavior just got worse.  He couldn't watch where we we're headed because he was too busy watching behind us. Finally I said quite loudly "What in the hell is wrong with you. You're gonna kill both of us. Your skitzing your brains out. When did you last sleep and how long? " he replied "Umm I slept a couple of hours about four days ago. " Great I thought I was getting a safer driver than myself,  not so. I made him pull over and I -got in the driver's seat.  I'd gotten a couple of hours of sleep on the way down and was feeling better. After getting directions we found -the rundown,  questionable motel, especially when the hotel clerk asked me if I wanted a room by the hour or overnight. "No thanks,  we are just visiting someone." We got to her room and went in and I sat in a tired old chair beside a little round table. The room was dimly lit by a lone light bulb struggling to illuminate the dingy room. "Well baller, you can call your people and tell them to come on. " She was nervously peeping out the window. I repeated myself. She finally came over and said "Can we do some now? " I hesitated for a minute then said "Nastyshanks, your people, can't you get in touch with them? " She said "OK, what do we do next? " I simply stared at her with a bad feeling in my gut. "Do you or don't you have some of this shit sold? " I asked "Oh that, well I got fired from that "modeling" job cuz i was asking everyone if they wanted some shit cuz I had a lot coming into town". I let my head fall forward in utter dismay. How..... Why?  What would make me spend everything but 75¢ of my money based on ANY-BODY'S word much less the word of a feinding hooker? I pressed her asking "Do you mean you don't know even one person with $20 to spend?" She shook her empty head no. "And you don't have any money at all,  is -that right? " She nodded. "Well" I said "Your not a very good hooker, are you? " the yarddog jumped in with "Can't you see she's really afraid?  Look at her. " I thought a minute then said "Would some dope help honey? " I asked sympathically.  She paused in her window peeping and after a couple seconds said "Maybe." "Well better pick your curb well then cuz you aren't even going to look at what I brought you, you bobble headed idliot.  Do you realize the throwed off situation you have put me in? I am broke and need gas to even leave this motel much less to drive four hours to get home."She said "I'm sorry.  It was so easy last week when I was in town with you last week ." "that was in MY HOMETOWN WHERE I KNOW EVERYBODY I NEED TO KNOW!! " I had gotten loud."Well I'm going to sleep since I don't know what else to do. " and I fell across the bed after duct taping everything including cigarettes to my belly. Hey it's ugly but necessary. Some places you have to put your shoes under your head in order to have them when you got up. Even then you better not sleep to hard. I slept deeply and into the night. When I awoke I felt physically better, hungry but better. I bought a candy bar with my 75¢ and ate it all without any guilt. Finally in desperation I dug through my laundry in my trunk and found a couple of items of clothing that I could return them to the large retail store that I'd bought them at. I got about $15 and that would get me close enough to home that I could offer to pay for them to drive down and bring me enough money to get me home. 

We we're parked right beside a laundromat beside a very busy freeway.  I had gassed up and was telling my useless driver that it was time to go. Nastyshanks was bawling because she didn't know what she was going to do. She was laying it on thick when my phone rang. It was Grace and I could barely understand her.  "Shut up!" I shouted trying to hear and be heard above her snot slinging and traffic. Finally I made out what she was saying. Her duplex and her Mama's next door had been utterly laid to waste by the bomb like explosion from her boyfriend trying to whip up a little something something at night after she'd gone -to bed. You're joking, right? " I said incredulously. Her sobs needed no reply. "So where's the wannabe chef now? And how's your Mom? Will you be able to salvage anything? "I said hopefully. Still sobbing she said almost hysterically "You don't understand. It exploded just like a bomb had been dropped on it. There's nothing,  nothing left but the slab." I was instantly furious with Goldilocks for putting them atp risk like that. For months the ATF dogged Grace's every step to the point where sadly she was called in and told she had missed too much time and the constant questioning of the local, state and federal authorities we're keeping her from her work. Oh yeah she and I we're on the phone together at her most stressful day on record and the hooker made the mistake of whining "I'm just gonna kill myself,  nobody cares". Only the yard dogs speedy action kept her from my determined reach. "I'm SO sorry girl I should be there but I'll be there as soon as possible but first I must help this hooker commit suicide." I was struggling to grab her all the while telling her that I would put her out of everyones misery and just sling her skinny ass right over the fence beside the freeway. "You'll be completely unconscious by the time the third car hits you.  I was utterly serious and the yard dog had seen me pull a gun on more than a few occasions with every intention of firing it. He managed to get her wadded into her pos car,  jumped into the drivers seat and drove her raggedy ghetto ride.  I didn't worry cuz I figured with no gas and no money they'd never reach the city limits,  but like the fishes and the loaves a MIRACLE OCCURED. She somehow with nothing to get it with, she got gas to take her all the way to my neighborhood. Nasty bitch. BUT I'VE PUT ALL THAT BEHIND ME AND SINCERELY WISH HER NO ILL WINDS. I believe strongly in karma these days. Whatsoever you sow, so you shall reap. I try to help every person I come into contact with. I've known some ugly people,  ugly from the inside out. Killers.Now I try to find the site of they're gushing wound. Well it's late, hope someone out there can draw strength from my chaotic life. I'm a survivor, an overcomer, a soldier in the war on addiction. Thank you for your time. 


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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

While my fourth ex husband whom I shall name Toothless, as he tweaked all his teeth out of his head and then told me that no one could tell the difference. Yeah buddy keep telling yourself that. I could have pointed out that just because people were too polite to say "My gracious, what on earth happened to your mouth? " Or point out that it was like having a giant booger, no one wants to mention it and will look everywhere except at it. But when I finally got an eyewitness to his cheating and could speak my mind I took full advantage of the freedom to express my feelings on his paying in dope, "OUR" dope for 16yr old and 17 yr old and 18 yr old, girls who we're strung out on method and we're far too young for him, much less slaking his thirst on children and watching videos with beastality and other videos with girls of questionable age having to satisy a roomful of men or else some strange..... I'm sorry but I could replay his lies and never get tired.  The point was he was in the penitentiary. So my right hand became a lovely hard hustling girl ten years my junior, but my equal in the hardball reality that we we were stuck in. We were living out of my car, literally. On weekends we raced to Dallas. We had located a very nice townhouse for about $1200 a week. $300 for just the two day weekend.  It came fully furnished and all we had to provide was food. We also managed to get in thru a friend with a local, well-known motorcycle club and often hung out at their fortress of a clubhouse. I must admit that racing down Central Expressway riding on the back of a Harley that you could have bought a house with, radio blasting in a long line of leather and Harley's. One of my friends who was a bit older was telling me how his second wife wouldn't give him a divorce and how he wired a bomb in her glove box intending to kill her but ended up only doing enough damage that she would require care for the rest of her life. She didn't press charges and he paid for her medical expenses. He told it as calmly as if he were reading a grocery list.  He's dead now.  God rest his soul.  But I wanted to tell you about the "rolling method lab" as the law and the local press deemed it. IT was a cute little maroon Lumina late model. I adored it.  Well my friend and I had been on a long "gathering"night and met up with a cook that I'll call Cowboy. He was so young and funny and a cutie. After a hard night gathering we we're ready to crash, so we loaded the car with the outrageous ingredients and I handed him the keys and we began our wait.  Noon came and went finally I had no choice but to call my Daddy cuz no matter what I slept at home with my children.  I had been blowing his phone up for hours. FINALLY I get a phone call from my ride or die buddy who had stayed at his hotel room,  the two of them mixed a little business with pleasure. But she soundleod panicked and since it was the next day she sent someone to scoop me up. I got to the hotel room and her words tumbled out of the rushing flow of words, I caught a few;  busted……nothing to reimburse us……your car...... and I stopped being interested in anything but my baby,  my ride.  It turned out that Cowboy had been driving around, cook in progress,  toxic fumes, a few thousand dollars at stake and drove into his buddy, Speedy we'll call him and the fog was so -thick that he didn't see the bust in progress going on already. So they both went to jail along with about 8,000 ephedrine pills, around 40 lithium batteries, I don't even remember remember how many cans of starter fluid in arresol cans, a case of coffee filters AND he'd got busted in my car. That's an automatic seizure.  I was despondent,  until I was told that the narcotics squad had let someone move my car about four blocks and parked it with the keys in it. Elation at first,  then paranoia. Was this some kind of set-up? Nothing to do but drive it somewhere else and thoroughly search it. Which we did. But two men's futures we're stamped with the word felon and they forfeited many basic rights and will as long as they live. Well it's early and I need some java. I'd wanted to elaborate on the dangers of manufacturing but another time.  Thanks for your time. 

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

While rehab may seem like vacations of sorts, it doesn’t count as a “vacation”. Leaving your town, city, state, and country can be intimidating and worrying. Depending on the circumstances, even a nice trip or vacation can be something to stress over in early sobriety. Why do we worry? Well, we are leaving our homegroup, where we have hopefully made some friends and are connected with. We are going awhile without our sponsor, which we hopefully have, and getting out of our normal routine. It can be easy to forget to pray and meditate on trips, or how good our recovery is back at home.


Too New in Recovery to Travel?

How do we deal with this? Is it easy to take a vacation or trip in early recovery and stay sober and clean? I believe that , YES, is not only possible to  stay sober on vacations to enjoy them like never before. By following a few tips, we can be the life of the party without a sip of alcohol or other drugs. Discover how to take your new sobriety to distant lands and faraway places, bringing it back intact

  • Pack Up and Bring Along Your Spiritual Toolkit – “We had no alternative but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet” (Big Book pg. 25). Whether you know it or not, you have your own person spiritual took kit, that grows and improves with time and growth. For example reading, prayer, exercise, journaling, literature to read, and whatever we have learned so far in our  recovery.
  • Pick Who You Travel With Carefully – If you are travelling with family, you may be powerless over who is coming along for the trip. If you are planning a trip, make sure you feel comfortable around everyone. If there is one or more people also in sobriety on your vacation then even better! Sometimes AA or NA groups do cruise ships or road trips together to conferences, service, or just some relaxation, and they tend to be unforgettable!.
  • Use Your Phone – Its the 21st century people, you can communicate quickly and effortless to dozens of recovery friends , family, or you sponsor. Your phone also has the ability to access literally thousands of speaker tapes, recovery talks, and meditations. Start out your day with a nice meditation. When agitated or on an airplane, listen to a speaker tape. The ideas are limitless. The phone can help you connect when you are in a strange place. There are even meeting apps for finding support while  traveling.
  • Reach Out, Don’t be Afraid! – In most meetings, the chairperson asks if there are any visitors. This is meant to allow the person visiting a chance to say hello and often signals they may need some extra attention after the meeting. In my meetings, if someone is visiting I usually ask them about where they are from and their homegroup. It is interesting the differences between recovery and sobriety in different locations. I’ve heard people in meetings share “I was so nervous that I wouldn’t find a place to come during my vacation, I am so glad to have found you guys!” Other times they are less appreciative and brag about how they do it back home. Usually people are extra nice to visitors, and can recommend other meetings, places to check out, and of course coffee shops
  • Have an Escape Plan – No matter what kind of vacation you are taking, cruise, road-trip, or hotel, have an escape plan of sorts if things get hairy. Make sure you have a safe place to fall back to or your own room in the hotel, so you can get some alone time if your buddies get a little wild. If you bring along your spiritual tools or travel with sober pals then you most likely won’t have to use your escape plan at all!

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Posted by on in Drug Addiction

This is going to be redundant for many readers. But in case a family member is reading, this is going to answer to your question if your a spouse, a parent, a grandparent,  a family member or friend and because it's secretive by nature you probably only know that your loved one has been less and less who they once we're. Some things are pretty obvious, like if you've found a pipe. A method pipe can be colored but the cheapest are the "insence burner" available in many convenience stores for about $3. It's going to be tempered glass like a marijuana pipe,  but it's going to have a round bowl with a small hole in it for loading it. Wher whereas a weed pipe comes in an endless array of colors, shapes and styles but will have black char in the bowl similar to cigarette char and will smell during and after burning. With meth the residue in the bowl can range in color from a pale tan to a dark brown oily looking residue. Also it has virtually no smell before, during or afterr burning. Someone can go into a bathroom, smoke some meth and come out and even if it's immediately after the meth has been smoked, there will be no scent hanging in the air like weed would leave. You can also smoke shit (meth) on aluminum foil but there's a trick to that so most people will spring for the $3 pip and and weed can be smoked on a soft drink can bent a little with a hole in it. However a determined fiend will FIND a way to get high. Wow I ran kinda long on that.  I'll try to no to go so long. 

Other items you might find are bent spoons, ear swabs with one or both ends looking not right, like they've torn off a little. Or little ziploc baggies, tiny like for beads or coins sometimes empty sometimes with a tiny bit of white dust in it. Straws cut short and at a slant, digital jewelers scales, now pocket size.

Now I'm gonna spend a minute or so on basic weights and money. I have no doubt that prices come in a wide range based on availability and competition. A common weight to push is an ounce, a "zip" which runs (in the South of the states) between 300 for some meth that has had some type of similar substance (the only two that I have even heard of are MSN and stinking bath salts which again I know nothing about except that bathsalts will give the dope a flavor. But from $300 to $1000 which would sell itself. An average breakdown is about $550-$600 for a half an ounce. Again the low scale would be cheaper but again much lower quality. The averageaddi cf t will scrounge up $20 a day for  .20. Or twenty cents. When we got into the business it was so quality that you could do one shot and go three or four days without  wanting any more. 

It's likely that many of you know first hand just exactly what I've been talking about. In thirty years there have been several constants.  One of them is it's no career move.  Nobody gets to retire after a lifetime of selling drugs surrounded by their I'll  gotten gains with their family all around them with the satisfaction of a life well lived. There may be the very rare person who gets to make It. But if they did, then they handled their business without a lot of people and oh so low profile. Even then its like a needle in a haystack. 

I've tried to lay a little frame. Once more I've not tried to glamorize the lifestyle. The fact remains that that little bit you just did WILL WEAR OFF and it ain't free and if you do get more it's illegal. Hope this helped. Thank you for your time. 


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