One of the promises of 12-step recovery is fear of financial insecurity will leave us. After my first few years of sobriety, I connected with the security of keeping a steady job without a concern for being put on a performance plan. I no longer missed work, padded an expense account or used on the clock. At five years sober, I noticed the continual rise in my income year after year and a newfound desire to donate money to worthy causes in addition to AA.
Now, at eleven years sober, with a large amount of in savings and a six figure income, I am ready to face my feelings of inadequacy in the area of money management. I do not want to join the ranks of women who allow a man to manage their finances only to find themselves scared to death one day when their husband passes on or the relationship ends. AA has taught me that I am self supporting through my own contributions and "God could and would if he were sought".
Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering, "Do I know enough about money management to support my child and take care of myself in my retirement? How will I manage my finances after my savy father passes on and I don't understand the concepts my financial planner presents? Someone could be pulling the wool over my eyes and I would never know it. On top of that, I feel uncomfortable asking the questions I really need to ask.
I will never feel I have enough or am enough until I own my power in all areas of my life. This is why I am choosing to work with a great therapist to help me understand my blocks and connect with my needs and my voice. As with every other area of my life that was once in need of correction, I expect to be led through this uncomfortable process to the land of greater freedom. Even though I already have everything I need, the fear of financial insecurity will never leave me until I face and overcome situations which overwhelm and regress me. Another step to healing from co-dependency.