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Category contains 4 blog entries contributed to teamblogs

Posted by on in Co-dependency

I have hardly met a family that has not been touched in some way by addiction. Yet when my kids were growing up, it never occurred to me that this could happen to our family.

I didn’t suspect my child’s experimentation would ever lead to addiction. I was in denial, hoping that time would cure this problem as it does so many other things. I know now how wrong I was.

Addiction is a disease that hurts deeply, it breaks the entire fabric of love and respect that binds the family together. I felt the hurt. My days were challenging and painful when I was in the midst of dealing with my child’s addiction. I felt manipulated, used and rarely appreciated.

I could feel myself enabling, doing things that did not help. I was hoping for a quick fix. I knew deep down that this wasn’t going to work, but I couldn’t stop.

On occasion, the fear engulfed me as I lay awake with my eyes staring at the ceiling watching each hour pass by until dawn.

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Tagged in: addiction recovery
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Posted by on in Co-dependency

There is an obvious link between sensitivity and resentment. All of my life,  I have been very sensitive to other people's behavior and energy and it has caused me a great deal of pain and joy.

When other people hurt, I hurt. When other people celebrate, I celebrate. When either people are negative and hurtful, I absorb their negativity. 

I have taken my inventory over and over again for years and I am clear on my sensitive nature and how it operates and affects me.

On the one hand, I am very grateful for this ability to tune to other people, relate to their feelings and care for them. On the other hand, I praying t be relieved of the co-dependent-need-for-validation side of me.

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Posted by on in Co-dependency

You have your own recovery. You care about your loved one.

Family Recovery is possible - but getting there in the healthiest way possible can be a challenge...

To learn more click here.

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Posted by on in Co-dependency

There is nothing fun or enjoyable about breaking a pattern like codependency.  People become accustomed to a dance and when one person fails to participate in the sick dance any longer, other people become angry.  That is what happened when I let my father and mother know I was no longer willing to sit by while they speak bitterly to one another.

Thankfully, I had a talk with my therapist two days ago and was prepared for this backlash.  In fact, before I hung up the phone with him, he said "Just be prepared.  They may react in a poor fashion and take care of yourself."  My mom seemed to take my honest expression of my upset fine.  My dad, on the other hand, sent me an email that basically made it sound like I betrayed him in the worst fashion possible.

He wanted to make me responsible for my mother's actions.  He was irate and indignant that I left the house and said nothing to defend him after he spent three weeks at the hospital serving my mother with love and attention.  He told me he won't forgive me.  The anger and pain that rose up inside me as I read his words was palpable.

I thought to myself, "Really, Dad???  You won't forgive me for not getting in the middle of you guys shit any longer after I was put in the middle of it since I was a little kid and its cost me my own happiness.  You won't forgive me??? That's funny." I didn't say that to him but I wanted to.  I also wanted to tell him to go throw his pity party on another block. 

Yes, my mom can be ungrateful and bossy and cruel toward him.  And, no, I don't approve of her behavior either and I don't like it.  However, they shouldn't even put me in the middle of it as if I was their referree.  How sick is that?  On top of that, I showed my mother as much attention and love as he did while she was in the hospital and I don't expect a metal.  I did it because I love her and I want to support her.

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Posted by on in Co-dependency

One of the most valuable lessons I learned in recovery is that there is no shame in asking for help.Increase In fact, asking for help shows a person's humility, sincerity, commitment and interest in getting better.

Until I went to admitted to myself I had a problem and asked my first sponsor to guide me through the 12 steps, I was trapped in a cycle of seeing my problem, beating myself up internally for my problem and then acting out again due to my shame and guilt over my problem.

Today, no matter what the problem I face ranging from lack of fulfillment to career trajectory to parenting, the first step I make is admitting my powerlessness in tackling the issue if I attempt to do it alone.

I ask for help in a multitude of ways.  I ask my husband, my family, my friends, my co-workers, my mentors, my therapist, my sponsor or anyone who may have experience facing and tackling the same issues I face.  Asking for help opens my mind and life to the myriad of possibilities available to overcome my issues.

My latest issue is how to best support my mother as she faces her diagnosis of lung cancer and ensuing therapy (chemo and radiation).  In the past, and as I regress in the present, I relied on playing the role of peacemaker to reduce tension and chaos in my family.  Whenever I felt powerless, I could easily throw on my superwoman cape and feel a sense of control as I sought to save my family from their feelings.

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