A guy I met yesterday told me that he drank for 40 years mostly everyday plus had a serious Xanax addiction going full tilt. He quit cold turkey or funky chicken, angry bird... No AA, NA or similar recovery.. Seemed like a decent guy really, good natured anyway. My age. I liked him even though we had very little in common as far as alcoholism recovery. Although come to think about it he did joke about Church. Might be something there, I don't know. It was in passing. I was still baffled at the whole quit Xanax over night thing. Benzo's can turn on you hard if you quit abruptly.
Anyway, he went to detox and hasn't touched a drop since. Supposedly fine with one Xanax a day currently even though the addiction brought him down on his face just six months ago.. Says he hits the bar everyday still and buys the rounds of Rum for his friends and relatives. No AA. No real aftercare except occasional counseling which is more than not just to keep his Xanax script open. OK, now I'm just assuming with the script thing. Doing his thinking so it's more suitable to me. Whenever something shocks me I try to control it. Anyway.
My first reaction was shear disbelief after the stream of stories of things jumping off the walls at him and his attempt at sneaking away down the street with his imaginary brother in his sockies and Johnny. Picked up by the cops and brought back. Being strapped down tight wanting to fight anyone and everyone as he screamed at them for trying to kill him. Apparently the detox wasn't all that aware of his Xanax addiction until Mr. Hyde showed up the next day. It was bad. There was one specific hand sanitized dispenser that would jump off the wall and attack him.
All I could think was, no AA? Nothing? How is that possible? I don't see or hear of this kind of willpower much. This kind of wake up call one takes alone, no fellowship or sober camaraderie to speak of. I went to AA everyday at first. Twice a day when I could for the first two or so years. But now that I think of it? I was really whacked out man. Really whacked out..
Maybe I've been spending too much time lately wandering the AA warehouse in the company of alcoholics and drug addicts who just can't grasp the concept of most addicts being addicted to themselves. Alcohol is a symptom of underlying causes. Drink to get drunk yes but also self-centered and selfish to the extreme. Survivors really fighting their own individual wars with themselves. Wrapped in their bondage they simply cannot break free from on their own. Forever looking to win for loosing. Their willpower remains insufficient. They drink and drug for a reason and usually like me? It's not the taste of Smirnoff Blue and stomach bile in the morning or by noon. It's the effect. The temporary removal of the bondage. No more pain....