I remember feeling so sorry for myself when New Year's 2000 arrived and I was unable to drink or drug with my friends. Due to a drug and alcohol induced seizure which landed me in an emergency room on November 6,1999, I was forced to get sober. I thought my "fun" was over when in fact my life was on the verge of a wonderous and drastic transformation.
Reflecting now, I hadn't enjoyed a New Year's Eve for a long time prior to my overdose. The "fun" was over. When the clock struck midnight each year, I missed the joy of celebrating the year to come due to my stupor and/or blackouts. New Year's Eve was just another holiday to get shit faced and forget about the emptiness of my life.
I made many resolutions to quit drinking, smoking, puking, screwing, snorting, etc and failed miserably. Almost as soon as I swore off something, I was using that something again. Attempts at self control led to further lack of control and down the rabbit hole I fell. I was certain I was doomed to a life of misery, pain and disappointment. I wanted to stop using but didn't know how.
For anyone contemplating putting down the drink, the drug, the sugar, the shopping, the sex or the gambling this year, I have only one suggestion to make. Pray from your heart for the willingness to stop and accept the opportunity to change when the miraculous moment arrives. Your help might arrive in a form you would never expect. Mine came in the form of an overdose which introduced me to the real possibility of death.
I still possess the letter I wrote to God on August 22, 1999 which resulted in my hitting a bottom and finding a spiritual solution. I haven't had to feel that kind of despair ever again. I wish the same kind of freedom for you.