The people worshipper is mentioned in the Book. People worshipper? Who knew? I thought I didn't want anything to do with people. I never realized without people I was empty? I'd need to look at myself and well, there was nothing there. So I filled my head with people. Arranged them to meet my needs real or imagined. Sought my self worth through others approval, my emotional security in acceptance.
Also a mention of the state of mental goose flesh that whole "needy" realization would bring. Ugh, needy is the worst! As if I had no choice in the matter. I couldn't simply want to be involved with people as friends or whatever no. It was always deeper than that. Always heavy. I used people for an emotional security boost . I needed them. I was needy. And to me needy means creepy.
Goose flesh? Nice one.. Some of this Big Book wording cracks me up. I mean who says "goose flesh"? It's right up there with Whoopee Party. I'm still not sure what that is. Whoopee party. Sounds like a swinger thing.. Kooky.
Goose flesh? I'll go with pretty damn uncomfortable. That fits. Like, people could make or break me depending on how my arrangement would be taken. Again with the Book, if my arrangements would stay put all would be well or atleast I'd be happy. As if they like me they really like me! . So that's how it is? Without people places and things I am just an empty void of existence? Pretty strong language but I'm afraid it's true. I've got to face the facts here. There's more to alcoholism than alcohol. There's the ism. The lack of self reliance, lack of maturity. The common coping skills that never materialized. Basically? I fell down and could never seem to get back up. So I just acted as if everyone else fell down and I was the last man standing. I knew what was best. I knew better as long as the rest of the world behaves. Me. it's all about me! damn man. The self will run riot though I usually don't think so thing from the Book..
My many years of jockeying for position, better philosophies, intellectual cures for my Spiritual malady had come to an abrupt end. Life as I had been living it was over. The alcohol no longer worked. Everything went sideways when I put the drink down. No more anesthesia. Nothing to validate me now but the big problem that's apparently been here all along, people!...