Well? The actual mechanics are made clear in the Book. The program of recovery and directions in masterly detail. Here? I'm just talking a bit of my experience with it.
It says we all have sex problems, we'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them? I get that sure. But also believe with me? I had sex symptoms. The only real "problem" I ever had was self centered fear. Fear dominated my life and I in turn medicated myself to cope with it. These coping skills were not the norm, they were self taught or lets say a result of a selfish need to survive. To combat the terminal uniqueness. A way to adjust to that whole overwhelming square peg thing.
Now, a real reach would be that I have pretty much always had a mind and spirit that never were actually working in unison. Maybe addicted to nicotine at birth? Maybe a genetic flaw? I suppose anyone could fill in the blank here. Picked up other unresolved family sex issues as my own? Others took their fears out on me?Beating me with selfishness until I was no longer moving or a presumed threat.. Maybe to be under control I was to become invisible. But from what I myself have seen in an effort to connect the dots in my downhill spiral? I walked straight into a cement sign post. Trauma in early childhood had separated my mind and spirit as if exposed to an emotional hand grenade blast. I was blown apart. To recover by myself? Absorb the blow? I would need to rely on my mind now. My spirit was no longer there. It was dispersed into my surroundings and nolonger accessible.
Others rage, the intensity of their anger and hate, fear. Violence. This is what I see, this is who I am. I believe what others believe now. I have lost the power of choice , the courage and strength of the spirit. I am alone now with only my fear of people and people hate me so now? I hate me too. I am angered by myself now, extremely frustrated as I live in disconnect. Apart from, as they say. This is all new. I am shocked and can only see myself as others see me now.
Broken apart from the norm where apparently children are able to be children. To learn and develop? That's not happening, I am definitely an oddball, different. My mind wants to follow the norm and interact, communicate. Participate. But the courage offered by my spirit is not available. There is no power, no willingness. I am nothing. I am just like they said, a nothing. And worse? I will never be anything but a nothing. I have no future. My past is gone and I cannot negotiate the present. My only hope is to find people that like me, accept me for who I am. But what do I offer them for friendship, acceptance? I have nothing....