This will probably be a rather short post. It's just an observation about the decisions I made or could have made to get my weight down to a reasonable size. The funny thing about it is that I don't feel like I'm overweight. Well yeah there's the whole added stress to your joints thing. But I mean until I look in the mirror sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm not a tiny size 5 anymore. Added to this problem of overeating is the knowledge that if I were to stop taking my psychiatric medication I could probably lose the weight so it comes down to the question of sanity or physical appearance. So many people judge a person based on appearance. I've had the rare opportunity to be on both sides of the weight coin. In the late 1980s my weight got down to the point where I was wearing a size 0 and that was too big. At five foot eight that made me skeletal. I can look at photos of myself now and realize how gaunt I actually looked. Until I was in my forties or maybe thirties I didn't have a weight problem. I was a solid size 7. I was also a meth addict which messed my metabolism up. People don't tell you about the damage that a drug had it will do to your body. Most of the damage you hear about it between families and the adict that they're related to. It's quite common to see shows on TV or read articles and various publications, that talk about the harm that a drug habit can do to a family. Lost of trust is only one of the side effects. This must be very difficult the standby and watch someone you love waste away to nothing. What compounds the tragedy is it when they're off the drug, God willing, they will begin to eat as normal again and a body that has been starved for so long goes into starvation mode and packs on the pounds. Much in the same way that a camel stores water. At least that's what happened to me. I had been small for so long that since we didn't have a weight scale, so I was unaware of how dramatically I was gaining weight. For all the days and nights that I had eaten nothing, I made up for it immediately when clean by eating whatever I wanted.
Now many years and dietitians later, I have what is a reasonable diet that I follow. It consists of the several small meals a day that I since learned is required to keep me from gaining weight. I never give my body too much food at one sitting because I don't want to give it enough that it's got surplus. In this way I have learned that I can maintain my weight and even lose a little along the way. I'd very much like to be the small size 7 that I once was for so long. I've discovered that's probably not realistic. So I'll take what I can get in the way of weight loss and I'm just happy when it doesn't creep back on. I'll try not to eat at night when I wake up or make a glutton of myself at the desert counter in restaurants. I guess really my battle with food has far outweighed my drug battle. But for now I'll continue to use the tools at my disposal in the way of weight maintenance and the power of Prayer to sustain my way. Thank you for your time.