I'm referring to one of my experiences with the 7th Step of the program of recovery as it is laid out in masterly detail in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was not about the conception of God anymore really. That is pretty clear. I have my personal beliefs in a spirit underlying the totality of all things. I'm good. Nobody can talk me out of or around it. This is about the process of surrender to this power that goes back to the beginning with my willingness to put down the booze. Actually a time I didn't think mattered really in light of what was to come next.
The willingness to believe turned commitment to my own sobriety has varied over time from the Heavenly Father, Mother earth and sky, to Quin the Eskimo, and back again and again. It's the process, the willingness to take action I can now see in others who value their own conceptions that may be quite different than my own. I am no longer alone yet have my own beliefs. I am not afraid as there is nothing to defend, nothing to steal.
It's the willingness that binds us. The willingness to give freely. The freedom from self centered fear. We can be vulnerable, we can take a risk with the emotional security offered through our willingness. I begin to live in the new world as if born again into the old. Step 7 is my second chance at life. The whole new pair of glasses thing. It's all just not about me anymore and well? I am relieved..
The Big Book Step 7 is short reading. I can assume it is also short in understanding. Limited in it's content. It isn't, there's a lot there. It just appeared that way as I still remained at times under a heavy fog of new found recovery. Unable to grasp the magnitude of the Big Book 12 Step process. It is a summary of my sobriety to this 12 Step halfway point with questions like, reviewing the first five proposals is my work solid so far? Yes. Am I cutting corners with my own selfish arrangements? No. Am I in fear of losing my emotional security if I let go of people or emotional enablers? Sort of still so I pray for willingness.. Are their any obvious half measures? No. Am I making mortar without sand, forcing my way through this whole 12 Step thing? No. Am I willing to serve my God and fellows who may or may not be suffering. Yes. This is who I am now, this is my purpose. My willingness is strong. The Book says it's indispensable and I agree. I see it now. The willingness is indispensable. I get it..
Now Steps 8 and 9. I will need room to move if I am to serve this purpose so it's time to clear up my street. I am sober yes and willing yes but still outside my AA safety net is a world of selfish bondage that chokes me, limits my movement. But I have seen myself in my 4th. It was me mostly. I am accountable....