I remember being pissed off that I couldn't drink or use anymore when my friends continued to use cocaine and drink alcohol. An overdose forced me to do the unthinkable-put down liquor and cocaine for good- and find new and creative ways to get high and happy.
For fun in my first few years of recovery, I traded in one addiction for another. I turned to a sexy guy in the rooms of recovery to produce a high in me equivalent to the one I got each time I waited for my drug dealer to show up. Ah! The anticipation of the first kiss! Ah! The first time we had rocket-to-the-moon sex. Ah! Never mind the guy was totally unavailable emotionally and had no ambition beyond being a guru in the rooms of recovery. I was madly in love because I had to work extremely hard for his affection and when I finally got it, it got me high.
When I finally realized I didnt want to continue getting high on people, places and things that eventually returned me to my emptiness, I looked for new ways to get off in sobriety. I began to develop friendships with women who could make me belly laugh from their stories. I joined artist groups and developed an idea for a website. I made plans with my husband to go to Europe, San Francisco, Las Vegas and New York. We took our son to Disney World and experienced the magical park from the eyes of a toddler.
And, I connected with a passion far greater than any fire when I finally wrote my memoir and fulfilled a life goal.
I no longer drink like a fish, get bombed like a tanker and make a fool of myself for free. I happily exchange the meaningless drinks, drugs, food and relationships of the past for a peaceful interior, an incredible circle of friends, a loving home, a healthy child and miraculous lifestyle. As my sponsor always promised, life in sobriety gets better and better and she was absolutely right.
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