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I Wasn’t Ready but I Was Willing

Posted by AlisonFSmela
AlisonFSmela
Alison Smela, is in long-term recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder follo
User is currently offline
on Sunday, 08 December 2013
in Alcoholism 0 Comments

Even when I was in the absolute worst stage of unabashed drinking and irregular, unhealthy eating habits, very little if anything could have pushed me to seek recovery any sooner than I did.

Those who love me worked tirelessly in the effort to convince me I needed help.  Each gesture or suggestion was met with resistance, denial and deflection.  Those caring and compassionate individuals had all but prepared themselves to receive the dreaded phone call I’d finally succumbed to the disease of addiction.

The more people tried to persuade me of my destruction, the more my distance from them widened.  I wasn’t ready to stop.  I liked being able to decide for myself when, where and how much I engaged in what I believed was pure merriment.  I’d perfected my silent rationalization to slip into the haze of too much alcohol with little food. When I was in the state of nothingness, life’s emotional ups and downs didn’t matter anymore. I cherished my ability firmly and sternly control what I put my mental energy into and what was erased. As long as I kept my booze supply up and my weight down, all was well in the world.  And oh boy, did I love the “high” I felt when the deception, manipulation and lies all fell into place.

Until they didn’t.

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Happy Birthday to Me! Wait, Which One?

Posted by AlisonFSmela
AlisonFSmela
Alison Smela, is in long-term recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder follo
User is currently offline
on Sunday, 01 December 2013
in Alcoholism 0 Comments

I am honored to be the December Expert particularly because this first day happens to be my birthday. Yet the date does not mark the only time I was shifted from a place of comfort to a visceral shock to the system.

I’ve been given the most precious gift of life three times. I was physically born in December of 1961, almost died in 2001 and then tested fate again in 2008. The 46-year journey was a roller coaster of addiction, emotional chaos and nonstop searching for a way out.

Although I can't remember the first few celebrations of the date I entered this world, all accounts indicated they were joyous, happy and fun. I’ve been told people poured attention on me with beautifully wrapped boxes to open and cards read by others with messages for a future far better than their own.

 

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Developing Juicy Goals For Recovery

Posted by tbranston
tbranston
tbranston has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Tuesday, 10 July 2012
in Alcoholism 0 Comments

 

It is likely there are a few things you’d like to accomplish in your sobriety. The reality is that the machinery that helps your goals manifest is the same no matter the subject, time-line, or importance.

I would like to posit that in order to reach your goals there are specific ways of thinking about them that can help. I would like to outline a few ideas and then show you to a system of goal-setting that I have found to be very helpful.

Motivation – I would like to introduce the notion that people aren’t lazy, rather, they have impotent goals. Is your goal in your life juicy enough to get you out of bed? Are you focused on what you need to do to? Were your goals created for yourself or to simply please someone else? With proper motivation, the pride and excitement provides fuel to work towards the completion of the goal. Very early in my career I wanted to be Nationally certified as an Addictions Counselor. I wanted the certification, but I wanted to pass the test before the requirements increased to sit for the exam. Eventually my focus changed from completing the exam to passing the test as a tangible recognition that I knew my stuff. When my motivation was correct the goal was easy to complete.

Passion – I like to make ‘passion’ a separate category from motivation. The way I think about it, motivation helps me follow-through on whatever goal I have set for myself. Passion is different from motivation in that when I think of what I want to do, passion is the “juice” that supports me to feel connected to a goal, energized by the possibilities, and alive that this goal will have a positive impact on the people in my life. I have been a clinician since 1984. I believe the reason I continue to do this work is my passion for affecting change. About 12 years into my career I took a break from clinical work to drive a limo for six months. While I met a lot of neat people (some celebrities as well) I was not connected to my job and did not feel engaged by my time behind the wheel. I was not affecting change and I was certainly not passionate about this job. I received a lot of compliments about my customer service skills which didn’t surprise me as I know how to relate to people. Truth be told, the third day away from clinical work, I was dying on the vine. Passion is nothing if you’re not engaged by what you do. I met a lot of drivers who loved their job, and they were really good at it. They had passion and they felt like they were contributing. I did not.

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