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Posted by barefootbill
barefootbill has not set their biography yet
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on Wednesday, 12 October 2011
in Co-dependency 1 Comment

Many years ago a friend asked me the following question.  Initially I was going to ignore the question because how does someone answer a question like this?  My only other thought about it was, "Why is she asking ME!"  I didn't consider it again but about a week later I was out running (yes, I used to jog back then), not thinking about anything, & suddenly this huge profound answer dropped into my mind.  "That's it," I said to myself, "That's what Unconditional Love is."  I believe it to be Divine inspiration because this clarity came out of nowhere & I have never heard Love put this way before so I know it didn't originate from me.  I immediately stopped & went home & began to type into my computer the following insight.  Over the years I've shared this with many others & at workshops & it seems to resonate with others.  I hope that it is helpful to you too.     Just Love,

Barefoot Bill 

THE QUESTION:I've come across an interesting term, and wonder if I can tap into your wordsmith skills for assistance?  How do you define "unconditional friendship?"  How do you think one practices such a thing?  If you've got the time, I'd appreciate your input.  Peace & Love,


MY RESPONSE:I smell more!  I see unconditional love & unconditional friendship as the same.  But, based on what you've given me (& what my Heart is prompting me to respond with) I offer the following as the three parts of what constitutes unconditional love, which I think generally apply except in a few rare cases (like a marriage partner or with our children):

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Finding Love in Recovery - The 4 A's of a Healthy Relationship

Posted by doctormarty
Licensed psychologist and an active participant within the recovering community,
User is currently offline
on Monday, 14 February 2011
in none 5 Comments

Someone once told me to expect that any and all relationships I had prior to entering recovery would change dramtically should I continue working a recovery program. In fact, recovery and working the steps can set the foundation for being able to find something that had evaded not just me, but most of us, namely a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship. Here's what I learned along the way - The 4 A's of what most of us are looking for.

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"I'll Quit Tomorrow" - Putting off Treatment

Posted by doctormarty
Licensed psychologist and an active participant within the recovering community,
User is currently offline
on Wednesday, 09 February 2011
in none 0 Comments

Cross addiction or multiple addictions is a fact of life inherent within the recovering community. Many of us come to the rooms of a 12-step program or treatment facility intending to tackle our alcohol and drug problem, or perhaps our eating disorder. However, many of us realize we have other addictions to manage. Putting off the need to tackle the remaining addiction(s) has brought many of us back to our primary addiction.

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Codependency--Take Two

Posted by DrSinor
DrSinor has not set their biography yet
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on Friday, 04 February 2011
in Co-dependency 1 Comment

We heal by remembering, literally bringing back
into the wholeness of our being
that which we have lost by hiding it
from ourselves.
Joan Borysenko

When my mother first started reading my initial manuscript for Gifts From The Child Within, she looked up at me and asked, "What do you mean in the Introduction by my being a co-dependent?" My mother, being an intelligent and well-read person, caught me by surprise with her genuine lack of knowledge about the meaning of codependence. I found myself somewhat embarrassed about the necessity to explain to my mother, what for most of my life, I saw her doing with hers.

I realized I had few words to describe to her just what being codependent meant. I tried using phases such as, "too dependent on her husband," "not caring enough about herself," and "restricting her own life because of her husband's demands." These broken sentences came easily but still did not touch on the real feelings I associated with the term codependent. Finally, I looked at her and said softly, "Mom, it just means that you cared so much for Daddy that somewhere along the way you lost yourself." She understood and accepting this definition, lowered her head to continue reading.

The surge of interest in the recovery field has led us to this nebulous issue of "codependence." Some leading experts claim we all have a codependent-self, a side of us which withdraws, avoids, and denies our true Self. Others maintain codependence is a disease or illness which requires psychological methodologies and sometimes medical intervention! To assume an illness one must demonstrate a physiological, psychological, or emotional dysfunction; therefore, to label one who nurtures and cares deeply for others codependent under this rationale would commit 99% of our female population to pathology! Only when one is nurturing others to the exclusion of themselves can the ill effects of codependency be labeled unhealthy.

One of the latest definitions of what constitutes a codependent personality comes from a group of professionals who spent several hours of deliberation to confirm:  "Co-dependency is a pattern of painful dependency on compulsive behaviors and on approval from others in an attempt to find safety, self-worth and identity. Recovery is possible." This is a good working definition; however, we must remember, codependency is an individual game played by two. We must not forget it takes two to form a codependent relationship.

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