Ever find yourself thinking obsessively about your addicted loved one, wondering where they are, what they are doing, what they are thinking, if they are okay? Ever think that if you stop checking on them something terrible will happen and that if it weren't for them, your life would be so much better?
If so, you are not alone. One of the signs of codependency is being unable to stop thinking, talking, and building your life around your loved one. Notice, I said 'loved one' and not 'addicted loved one'.
In Alanon, there's a saying that you belong here if you are troubled by someone's drinking. In other words, it's not their problem, it is yours. You are troubled.
So the next time you find yourself obsessing about your loved one's drinking, drugging, smoking or other difficult behavior, remember that it truly is NOT about them. It's about YOU. It's about how you are spending the precious seconds, moments, hours and days of YOUR life.
Loving someone who uses is difficult.True. But, how and whether we respond or react to their behavior says more about us and our recovery than it does about theirs.
...
