The Third Step of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." The principle behind this step is Surrender. The 3rd Step and is also closely related to the Three Jewels of Buddhism.

Step Three and Surrender

In Step Two, we open ourselves up to a bit of hope and faith. In the third step, we surrender our lives to something greater than ourselves. The Oxford English Dictionary defines surrender as to "cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority." In this sense, we are ceasing to resist running our lives, and submitting to the authority of a power greater than ourselves. Where we previously resisted and turned away from any sense of a Higher Power, we submit to its authority.

It is important at this step to investigate what the term "power greater than ourselves" means to us. For those of us that enter the program with a religious background, it may be a good idea to use our previous concept of a Higher Power. However, most of us do not enter the program with an existing Higher Power. If we are agnostic, we may investigate the power of the twelve-step rooms or of our sponsor. We recognize the rooms hold more power than we do ourselves, as we were not previously able to stay sober alone. For those of us that enter atheistic, we may find trouble with this step. However, this does not mean we must shy away from this step at all. For example, as a Buddhist myself, I use the Dharma as my Higher Power. It is not a greater person nor a sentient being. Rather, the Dharma is a Higher Truth. Merriam Webster defines the word God as "the supreme or ultimate reality," which the Dharma absolutely is for me. I, daily, turn my will and my life over to the practices that the Dharma lay out for me.

When we turn our will and our lives over, we are submitting to something greater than ourselves. Whether it is Jesus Christ, the universe, a Twelve-Step room, or a set of atheistic teachings, we must surrender completely. To do so, this decision must be made at once, and fulfilled in our everyday life. We must give up running the show ourselves, and allow our thoughts and actions to be run by something greater.

Step Three and the Three Jewels

In the Third Step we surrender to a power greater than ourselves. One might say we "take refuge." In Buddhism, we surrender to the Three Jewels. This is called taking refuge. The Three Jewels are the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. As we surrender and turn our wills and our lives over to a Higher Power in Step Three, we turn to the Three Jewels for refuge in Buddhism.

How do we change, from the inside out or from the outside in?

“From the inside out,” was the answer of a young man I’m currently working with.

‘How does that work”, I asked.

His explanation was that he must find a way to change his thinking, if he doesn’t do that first then there will be no change in his behavior and actions, he will just go back to using.

I told him it is exactly the opposite of what he described.

If it was up to me, instead of saying “My name is Seth and I’m an addict” I would say “My name is Seth and I’m a slave”. Saying you’re an addict or the alcoholic really isn’t that bad when you think about it. Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, Tennessee Williams are but a few Alcoholics that had very successful careers, miserable lives but successful careers. Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Keith Richards are just three of the many drug addicts that were very successful, miserable lives but successful.

It is easy for a using addict or alcoholic to rationalize their using and to look at the success of these people mentioned above and tell themselves: “ It’s not as bad as they say, being an addict or alcoholic, look at all the famous ones who had very successful lives”. Of course the using addict never mentions the misery, loneliness and the spiritual death that goes along with the success.

On the other hand, no one wants to admit they’re a slave; no one looks up to a slave no matter how successful they are because the very word slave means misery, pain and doing the bidding of their slave master. Well, that’s what we are when we are using, slaves willing to do anything we have to in order to feed our master of addiction. When we are tired of breaking our family’s heart, not being there for our Husbands, Wives and children, we cry out to our master: “Please my wife/husband needs me, my kids are crying out to me, please I want to stop using.” The master’s voice is loud and clear. “I don’t give a dam about your Wife/Husband and your kids, just feed me.” And as all good slaves do, we feed the master. When we finally cry out: “Please, I’m killing myself, if I don’t stop using I will die.” The master says: “I don’t care if you live or die, just feed me.” Of course we listen to our master, we are powerless over his/her demands and we feed him/her once more.

I once was working with a 27 year old heroin addict who loved his Mother very much. I asked him; “What would you do if you walked into your Mother’s house and saw this brute stabbing your Mother over and over?” The addict said; “I would jump on him and take the knife away and kill him.” I said; “Well that brute stabbing your Mother is your addiction and instead of killing him you’re feeding him every day, making him stronger.”

 How can we feed this master when he/she doesn’t care about our loved ones or ourselves? We continue to feed our master of addiction while we die slowly and painfully, all alone at the end. The craziest part of it all is when we were able to break free from our master we went back again and again and again. This is the insanity of addiction; feeding the very monster that is killing us. This is why we need a power greater than ourselves, for without that greater power in our lives we will die as slaves or worse, live out our lives as slaves.

Like every type of addiction, tornadoes devastate. They rip through the lives of unexpecting individuals and destroy everything in their path.  Neither is planned, neither is easy to deal with, both are terrifying to witness and both leave a ton of collateral damage, including the death of loved ones.

My heart goes out to the victims of each of the aforementioned disasters. Interestingly, what works to rebuild a devastated community is what also works to rebuild a devastated life and a family.

First, the damage needs to be acknowledged. Next, the damage is assessed either alone or by a team of clean up experts. Prayer for healing sets the ball in motion, as does physical and mental exertion to clear away the wreckage and building on a new foundation.

Community support and unconditional love makes the slow, day by day recovery bearable. Time is required, as is patience and tolerance.  No one can claim to understand why some are chosen to endure either type of hardship and in both situations, individuals are never guaranteed immunity from another storm.

In recovery, we go through the steps with our sponsor.  However, the steps also must be worked in our daily lives.  As the Twelfth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests, we must practice these principles in all our affairs.

Hope and Faith

As the second step offers us a beginning to the solution for our problem, we must maintain this attitude in our daily lives. We learn to never lose hope, to have faith that things will work out, and to continue believing that there are powers that are working for us if we embrace them.

In order to work this step, which states, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity," we must be in constant belief that our spiritual program will work for us. The essence of the hope behind this step is that we must have faith in the path laid out before us. When we encounter difficult situations, fear, or we don't know what we should do, we must use the tools we have. We reach out to others, take a deep breath, or sleep on it. We begin to trust in our fellows and in the Twelve Steps.

Working this step in our daily lives is not easy at first, as we have to go against how we have been living in our addiction. We learn to believe in the Power greater than ourselves through taking action. This step is the beginning of taking contrary action. Where we once made impulsive decisions in the heat of our emotions, we now consult our sponsors and the program.

The Second Step of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The principle behind Step Two is hope. The 2nd Step is also closely related to the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, especially the Third Noble Truth.

Step Two and Hope

In Step One, we admit powerlessness over drugs and alcohol. We concede to our innermost selves that we are addicts, and practice rigorous self-honesty. In Step Two, we essentially do the opposite. We are offered hope for a seemingly hopeless state. The phrase, "Came to believe" tells us that our faith does not always happen instantly. It takes time. We slowly open our minds and hearts to see what the Twelve Steps have to offer us. As we know we are powerless over things and our lives are unmanageable, we are being offered a way to live a life manageable by a power greater than ourselves.

Step Two not only gives us hope in terms of a power greater than ourselves. In the Second Step, we are offered hope in a more general sense. We feel quite hopeless and as if there is nothing that will help us. Step Two is the door that once we begin to open, we are presented with a beautiful path of work toward a joyous and free life.

Step Two and the Third Noble Truth

In the First Step, we have our limits brought to light, and are practicing Right View. We recognize the first two Noble Truths of suffering and the causes of our suffering, which are our addiction and own powerlessness. In Step Two, we are presented with the reality of the Third Noble Truth: that the cessation of this suffering is possible. Just as the Second Step is beginning to open the door to the rest of the steps, the Third Noble Truth leads us into the Fourth Noble Truth of the Noble Eightfold Path.

My heart looks at my recovery and my disease of addiction in black and white, my mind wants to be lost and confused in the gray. I was told long ago to keep it simple so here it is.

There are two powers of influence that make up who I am. One is my mind where my ego and disease reside; the other is my heart where my spirit and recovery live. These two places are in absolute opposition of each other with this addict in the middle.

These two powers of influence are very similar to the Native American teaching

“The Wolves within…”

An old Cherokee told his Grandson “My son there is a battle between two wolves inside all of us – one is Evil: it is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.

Equanimity is the practice of treating things neutrally. We don't judge or react; we experience things exactly as they are and do not add on. Speaking with a teacher recently, we discussed the different ways that equanimity work in our lives, and he clarified two unique examples.

Equanimity with Others

Equanimity with my relationships with others was not something I had given very much thought to. In our relationships with others, we find ourselves either becoming attached or detaching harshly. We are sometimes often the equanimity phrase, "May you be in charge of your own karma." In this way, we learn to let go of the results. Our prayers or good wishes for someone else will not change them; it changes us. Practicing equanimity, we recognize this and let go fo the outcomes.

In working with others, we often become attached to their progress. When a sponsee relapses, a child fails a class, or a loved one is in pain, we sometimes feel at least partially responsible. All we can do is practice metta, touch their pain with compassion, and appreciate the happiness of others. However, as the phrase we use says, others must take control of their own karma. Rather than see it as detaching, we are simply letting go of our attachment to their happiness. This end of the spectrum is essentially not being codependent. When someone is unhappy, we don't blame ourselves. We do what we can and leave their suffering up to them. We continue to send metta and compassion his or her way.

At the other end of this is completely detaching. This is also not healthy. Sometimes when a child, sponsee, or loved one continues to create their own suffering (with drug use, poor judgement, anger, etc.) we become cold and calloused. We detach strongly, losing compassion and care. When they are suffering or make mistakes, we act with anger or even malice. The practice here is the same: we must act with love and compassion without becoming attached to the outcome. We may repeat the phrases in meditation or throughout the day, "May you be at ease," "May you be happy," "May you be free from suffering," and "May you be in charge of your own karma." These phrases are of metta, mudita, karuna, and upekkha.

The twelfth step of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests we "practice these principles in all our affairs." In prayer and meditation, our work with others, and meetings we are able to be present and work our spiritual program. However, the majority of our days are spent in the real world. It is much more difficult for us to work our programs in daily life, and we must remain vigilant.

Mindfulness

A fundamental tool we have for practicing the principles in our lives is to remain mindful. When we are truly present, focused on what we are doing in the moment, we are able to see more clearly our own actions and thoughts. With mindfulness, we are able to be conscious of our spiritual practice. Whether we are meditating, walking, or working, we always have the potential to be mindful. People hear the word meditation, and most commonly think of a formal sitting meditation. Meditation means, "To focus one's thoughts." Recognizing where we currently are physically, emotionally, and mentally is focusing one's thoughts.

Thoughts and Emotions

One of the first thing we often notice when practicing this mindfulness is the arising of thoughts and emotions. We begin to notice more frequently anxiety, fear, resentment, etc. This can be painful, but leads to great insight. As we recognize our emotions and thoughts, we take some of their power away. Sometimes we feel that we are suffering but not exactly sure why. This is because the emotions and thoughts are being pushed down and eventually build up. When we are mindful and recognize them, we are able to prevent them from controlling us so much. Simply recognizing to ourselves, "I feel anxious" has tremendous power. Speaking about it with somebody else is even more powerful.

The Quality of Our Actions

Our thoughts and emotions drive our actions. When we become aware of the feelings and thoughts, we see the actions that follow them. We must ask ourselves many times throughout the day where our actions are coming from. Are they coming from a place of love? Of fear? Of anger? Of compassion? When we recognize where our actions are coming from, we gain insight into our true nature. The principles we are working to practice become more visibile to us, and we gain judgement in our actions.

When a thought or emotion arises that we find unpleasant, it is generally our reaction to either avert or push it away. We don't want to experience the pain, so we actively try to push it away. However, by doing so, we are actually holding onto it.

Practicing mindfulness, we recognize when an unpleasant thought or emotion arises and acknowledge it. Acknowledging the pain, anxiety, or suffering, we are able to take away some of its power over us. Simply noting that we are experiencing something painful allows us to deal with suffering as it arises, rather than waiting until we feel overwhelmed in pain.


Mindfulness Practice for the Day: Today, when an unpleasant thought arises, simply acknowledge it. Don't avert or push it away. Acknowledge it and let it go gently.