Addictionland - Addiction Recovery Blog

Addictionland - Addiction Recover Blog


Posted by Cate
Cate Stevens. Founder of, has over fifteen years of recovery f
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on Saturday, 25 June 2011
in Anger Addiction 0 Comments

"The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear--primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.  Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands.  The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 76.

As far back as I can remember, I demanded my needs be met.Increase  I demanded my brother pay attention to me as a child.  I demanded my mother buy me expensive jeans like my best friend's mother did. I demanded my body look like Brooke Shields in her Calvin Kleins. I demanded my boyfriend never speak to his ex-girlfriend.  The more demands I put on myself and others, the more paranoid and fearful I became.

Fast forward a good twenty years later and I have learned how to reduce my demands.  There has been no quick fix-rather a very painful process of trying to push my way through brick walls until I finally surrendered and became willing to act in a new way.  The more I was forced to act differently (or else drink again), the more I came to trust that my Higher Power always knew what was best for me.  The things or situations or people I thought I wanted ended up being wrong for me.  The things or situations or people I thought to dispose of ended up being best for my personal growth.

Whenever I become frustrated or disturbed, I ask myself what I am afraid of.  I remember all the ways my life has expanded as a result of working the 12 steps and changing my behavior.  I stop pounding my fists, take a deep breath and calm down.  Almost as soon as I relax, a new miracle occurs.



P.S. Visit our experts page and gain some free insight and advice on how to address issues ranging from eating disorders to co-dependency.

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Cate Stevens. Founder of, has over fifteen years of recovery from food, drug, alcohol, cigarette and unhealthy relationship addiction. Cate’s approach to recovery is based on the 12 steps, as well the practice of spiritual principles, exercise, good nutrition, and meditation. Cate’s personal, ongoing recovery process has benefited tremendously from the free sponsorship of other women.

Cate has successfully coached hundreds of women to develop specific, daily action plans to support their personal and professional goals. Cate majored in journalism and communications and is the author of "Addictionland: Key Lessons from My Rollercoaster Ride to Freedom from Food, Drug, Alcohol, Cigarette and Unhealthy Relationship Addiction", a series of powerful vignettes.

As a motivational speaker, educator and coach, Cate is highly effective and inspirational. Cate leverages her experience from premier sales, management and leadership training programs to teach her clients how to be sober, productive and fulfilled.


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