Addictionland - Addiction Recover Blog
Reading Caroline's memoir brings up a great deal of emotion in me. Mainly, I feel gratitude for the new methods I have discovered in recovery to purge my emotions. Before recovery, I often felt I was the only girl in the world tormented by food. I felt worthless, disgusting and weak. I expected little good for me and my future and bulimia was my way of coping with my despair.
In college, I came undone emotionally and exploded into multiple addictions. Bulimia was always a constant thread which held me together. Some days, I got in my car and drove from fast food restaurant to fast food restaurant ordering donuts, cheeseburgers, french fries and ice cream. I never waited until I got home to begin binging on the food. Instead, I drove around shoving fries in my mouth like a mad man on a hunger strike who has been without water for weeks.
I ate until my stomach was about to burst. I ate until my head was dizzy and my body was exhausted. To get the food up, I drank cups of water and pushed on my belly to dislodge the food. I experienced deep relief when piles of vomit spewed from my mouth. In those moments, I dispelled every once of pain I carried around with me. In those moments, I expelled everything dirty and wrong and ugly about me.
P.S. To learn more about my addiction and recovery, sign up to be notified when my memoir is released.