When Cate asked me to be the addiction 'expert' this month, I was seized with anxiety.Do I have anything to say? What if I can't think of anything to write? What if no-one wants to read what I have to say?
It took me a few minutes to realise I'd gone back into my default setting where it was all about me. As an addict, I am hell-bent on self-sabotaging most aspects of my life. The most pernicious aspect of this, though, is the way I make everything feel that it has to gravitate round me.
I see it with my toddler son. The world gravitates around him, and he expects it to with fierce determination. That's the stage he's at, and I know he'll grow and develop and leave that stage behind. But there is something about being an addict that speaks to me of arrested development.
That toddler stage never quite seems to go, however much work I do around it. That's why it's essential for me to speak to my sponsor daily, and attend all the recovery meetings I can. I need perspective. I need to hear, daily, that the world doesn't revolve around me, nor should it. I need to fess-up to myself when I am caught in that self-limiting cycle of introspection and fear.
That's why, today, I'm proud be here with addictionland, fessing-up to you all in the hope that it strikes a chord. This month, it's not all about me, it's about you, and the recovery journey you're on, and I feel blessed to be here to share it in some small way....