There is nothing fun or enjoyable about breaking a pattern like codependency. People become accustomed to a dance and when one person fails to participate in the sick dance any longer, other people become angry. That is what happened when I let my father and mother know I was no longer willing to sit by while they speak bitterly to one another.
Thankfully, I had a talk with my therapist two days ago and was prepared for this backlash. In fact, before I hung up the phone with him, he said "Just be prepared. They may react in a poor fashion and take care of yourself." My mom seemed to take my honest expression of my upset fine. My dad, on the other hand, sent me an email that basically made it sound like I betrayed him in the worst fashion possible.
He wanted to make me responsible for my mother's actions. He was irate and indignant that I left the house and said nothing to defend him after he spent three weeks at the hospital serving my mother with love and attention. He told me he won't forgive me. The anger and pain that rose up inside me as I read his words was palpable.
I thought to myself, "Really, Dad??? You won't forgive me for not getting in the middle of you guys shit any longer after I was put in the middle of it since I was a little kid and its cost me my own happiness. You won't forgive me??? That's funny." I didn't say that to him but I wanted to. I also wanted to tell him to go throw his pity party on another block....