Raising a teenager is one of a parent’s biggest woes. At their age, teenagers have been known to experiment with illicit substances like drugs and alcohol. Their minds may be too young to comprehend the damage this can bring to their lives. Once the situation gets worse, the entire family may be affected. It is now up to the parents to help their children get through this phase.

 Helping their teens overcome addiction is a challenge for every parent. Raising a drug-free child is one thing; treating a drug-addicted child is another. Though it may seem like a losing battle, parents should find comfort in the thought that there is still hope for their teens. Here are five tips to help their children overcome drug addiction. 

Show the Child Unconditional Support

Instead of condemning their children for substance abuse, parents should show them that they are loved in spite of what they did. Now is the time for parents to be more understanding of their troubled teen. They should put aside any anger or disappointment they might be feeling, and focus on supporting their teen through the ordeal.

Communicate with the Teen

What do I value?

Where am I unfulfilled?

What are my regrets and can I take action on any of them now?

How do I connect with my inner answers?

Sunny and warm days were cold and dark. Family and friend gatherings were full of anxiety. Internal angst was suffocating. ADDICTION HAD ME.

Addiction took everything from me - money, jobs, family, friends, people I loved dearly, hope, vitality, security, freedom. GAVE ME DARKNESS.

I could never make plans to do anything because I was too sick, too worried about how I could drink, and if I could drink. EMPTY LIVING.

I want to start out by thanking Cate for inviting me to share on this great site. And I want to let you know that being called an “expert” is slightly more than terrifying. I have a great deal of respect for women and men who work as professionals in the addiction recovery field, and I am (slowly) working towards a life coach certification to coach recovering women one day, but I’m not there yet.  For today, I’m just another woman living in recovery.

Twenty some years ago, I surrendered to the fact that I was an addict. I didn't come into recovery at the "height" of my drug-using insanity – the crazy days for me were years earlier, before I had my two beautiful daughters. I found that I didn't have to be using like my former crazy person self in order to hit a bottom. When I stopped using drugs in 1989, it was because I believed with every ounce of my being that I had really, truly and finally had enough. I wanted a new reality, to find a new way to live, mostly for my daughters. I always say that I got into recovery for my kids (yes, I believe you can get clean and sober for other people) but I stayed in recovery for myself.

For the past 24 years, I have been finding my way back to myself. I think that’s what recovery is – recovering our potential, our hopes and our dreams. For most of the past two decades I have worked a program of recovery, and sought a heck of a lot of outside help. My recovery run was interrupted with insanity just once, in 2000. For a couple of days, I took prescription narcotics to deal with some overwhelming grief that I just didn't think I could bear. I chose not to bear it, I guess. I took the narcotics as prescribed – unfortunately they were prescribed to my mother, who had just died. I did not, at that time, consider taking those pills a relapse in my recovery. When I re-thought that idea four years later, I changed my recovery anniversary date and starting "counting" all over again.

Tonight I will celebrate 13 years of abstinent recovery with a bunch of miracles and a cake (no, I haven’t managed to give up sugar – yet). This last 13 years of abstinent recovery has been as amazing at the first 10. I’m fortunate that my two days of using in 2000 didn’t turn into the rest of my life. I don’t plan on experimenting again.

I lay on a metal gurney inside an emergency room. A hospital gown covers my pale, thin skin. My mother is driving over to meet me at the hospital. Until now, the severity of my drug addiction has been a secret to her and the rest of my family. They were aware I suffered from bulimia in college but they believed I overcame it.

The on-call cardiologist is about to break my denial and my mother’s denial regarding my addictions.  He enters the dark cave housing my metal gurney and announces the results of my blood test.

“It shows here you were admitted to the emergency room with a toxic amount of cocaine in your system,” he says.

 “I went at a party. I tried cocaine for the first time. I didn’t realize how much it would affect me. I did too much,” I replied.

 “So, you want me to believe that this was your first time using cocaine?” the physician asked. He took a good look at my 5’8”, 115 pound frame and rejected my lame excuse. 

In recovery, we go through the steps with our sponsor.  However, the steps also must be worked in our daily lives.  As the Twelfth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests, we must practice these principles in all our affairs.

Powerlessness

In everyday life, powerlessness is constantly affecting us.  Specifically, we must always remember our powerlessness over our addiction. Keeping close the memory of what happens when we indulge helps drive us every day to work the steps.  Remembering what our addiction looks like is a great motivator.

After working the steps and gaining insight, we discover that we are powerless over much more than our addiction.  Essentially, we are powerless over everyone and everything except ourselves.  We must stop trying to control outside events.

Dr. Paul O. said, "When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment... When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God."

You have your own recovery. You care about your loved one.

Family Recovery is possible - but getting there in the healthiest way possible can be a challenge...

To learn more click here.

The Ninth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests that we make amends to those we have harmed.  We make direct amends wherever possible, focusing on the exact nature of our wrongs.  We take accountability for our actions.  However, there is far more to amends than just making a direct amends.

Living amends is the practice of changing our behavior.  We must not just rely on direct amends to change our lives.  The essence of the ninth step and amends is to amend our behavior.  If we make direct amends, but continue behaving in that way, then we really aren't amending anything at all!

The word amend means to improve upon or to make better.  Knowing this, we recognize that making amends has to do with changing our behavior.  When we go through the 6th and 7th Steps, we become willing to let our character defects go.  For alcoholics and addicts, our character defects have often been driving our actions for a period of time.  When we become willing to and humbly ask our Higher Power to remove these defects, we must also take action.  God can move mountains, but we must bring shovels!

Amending our behavior is simple, but not easy.  We must look at where our behaviors are harming us and others.  Recognizing these behaviors, we must act in the opposite way.  For example, if we are asking to be freed of selfishness, we must act selflessly.  Taking the action, we leave the rest up to our Higher Power.  When we make direct amends to somebody, we must follow it up by behaving in a new way.

My first addiction in my youth was co-dependency.  I didn't realize it but the healthy boundaries that should exist between parent and child did not exist in my home.  My parents weren't bad people. Quite the contrary, they were productive, involved and good people.  Unfortunately, they married young with wounds they never healed from their own childhood and very poor communication skills. 

As a result, I became my mother's sounding board for her negativity, pain and secrets and I became my father's distraction for the lack of intimacy in his marriage. He came to me for affection and attention, not sexual needs.

Needless to say, I was a breeding ground for all sorts of uncomfortable feelings ranging from rage, sadness, guilt, shame, fear and panic.  I further developed an unhealthy dependence on my best friend and later, my boyfriend. I lived in fear of being abandoned if I didn't meet other people's needs. If my best friend was bitchy, I tried to be nicer so she would be kind. If my Dad disapproved of my boyfriend and pulled away from me, I broke up with boyfriend to get his love.

With all that untreated internal chaos, I became bulimic at sixteen.  At eighteen, I started to drink, snort lines,  take an occasional ecstasy, cheat on my boyfriend and smoke cigarettes.  By twenty one, I was a hot mess.  I was active in all of my addictions with my eating disorder being the major cause of my distress.

Each one of us works our own individual program.  In twelve-step programs we are given many suggestions, but there is only one requirement: the desire to stop drinking.  Attending meetings or speaking with our fellows, we see how differently each of us works our program.  It is a beautiful thing that we are encouraged to work the program how it works for us, and there are always people more experienced than us who have different experiences to offer.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says on page 29, "Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God."

Our Own Higher Power

In my personal experience, the ability to choose your own Higher Power is one of the greatest examples of people working their own programs.  I have met people of all faiths and traditions in the rooms: Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, Atheist, and simply spiritual.  Regardless of your spiritual/religious beliefs, there is a place for you in twelve-step programs.

Although Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by Christians and on many Christian principles, it was created with an expressed intention to work for people of all belief systems.  I practice Buddhism myself.  My sense of a "Higher Power" or "God" is very different than a lot of my fellows.  I choose to utilize the Dharma as my Higher Power.  Rather than a supernatural or ethereal force or figure, I use the path of Buddhism as my Higher Power.  It works well for me, for I am able to turn my will and my life over to it.  I am able to pray and meditate, be grateful for my Higher Power, and not fully understand my Higher Power.

Whatever your beliefs are, the principles are the same: trust in God, pray, meditate, turn your will and life over.  I have met many atheists in my time sober, and have found the principles also apply there.  In Buddhism, there is the teaching that we all have seeds within us; we have seeds of doubt, anger, love, fear, acceptance, etc.  When we take action, we are watering these seeds within us.  Being of service waters the seed of compassion, love, etc.  Punching somebody waters the seed of anger, hatred, etc.  Speaking with atheists, I have heard a very similar account of things.  Even though they do not believe in a greater deity, they do believe they have a better person within them.  I see atheists in my home group be of service, share eloquently, relate to others, and be wonderful members of our fellowship.