Addictionland - Addiction Recovery Blog

"This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.  Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.   When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.  Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.  Love and tolerance of others is our code." Pg. 84 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

I call this the sobriety formula.  No matter what problem I complained about, my sponsor directed me to this page and promised me I would "cease fighting anything or anyone" if I followed these steps.  I remember being very irritated by this response early in my sobriety because I felt I wasn't being heard or understood. How could words on a page in a book written back in 1935 solve my dilemma with my current boyfriend? my job? my family?

To this day, whenever I am disturbed, I utilize this formula. I have watched my various, deadly addictions drop from me year after year like the useless skin of a snake. I have noticed my ever widening circle of friends.  I have experienced an ever increasing peace inside of me, even when I fly upside down in the middle of a thunderstorm.  I no longer run the show.  I have the great pleasure of demonstrating to others, through my ever increasing freedom, the miraculous power of Truth and selflessness and abstinance. 

Best,

Dr. Barbara Sinor is a retired Psychotherapist living in northern California. Sinor is the author of five inspirational books including her most recent, Tales of Addiction and Inspiration for Recovery. Sinor can be contacted through her web site: www.DrSinor.com

David Essel, Master Life Coach and Hay House author, has developed a program that helps to create a total mind, body, spirit based recovery system for each individual based on their specific needs and circumstances.

I feel most anxious inside when I am indecisive.  When I have one foot headed in one direction and the other foot headed a different way, I feel disoriented, frustrated and hopeless. The third step says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-d."  The third step says therere is Power in making a decision.  The third step promises that the care of G-d awaits us when the decision we make comes from a desire to share our good with others.

Still, I continue to struggle about quitting my job in pharmaceuticals and pursuing a career in recovery.  I want to have all the answers about what I will do, how much I will make and how happy I will be before I quit my job and take a big risk.  What am I risking? Well, in my mind, financial security and freedom.  My job in pharmaceuticals allows me to save money, spend money when I want and enjoy certain luxuries like vacations or shopping sprees.  I don't have to ask permission or rely on my husband to take care of my needs.  I feel more in control.

However, when I ask myself how happy these exterior luxuries really make me in the long term-or, better yet-how long the fulfillment lasts once I complete a vacation or buy a new purse, I realize I am only buying temporary joy. Real happiness is a by product of right living and right living is a by product of seeking the will of your heart and following its dictates-no matter how scary or risky they seem.

If I want to experience true joy, I must be willing to face my fear and walk out into the unknown. Leap and the net will appear.  Countless other people have taken a huge risk with fantastic results.  Why not me?????  Why not you???

My head aches.  I feel like my skull has been invaded by two opposing armys going head to head in a fight to the death. The winner will occupy my body as my liveihood and while I am inclined to support my writer/speaker/coach personality, my pharmaceutical personality is putting up an incredible fight.

I used to be one of those people who took out a peice a paper and wrote down the pros and the cons of a situation. That no longer makes sense. To me, there is a con for every pro and a pro for every con.  I can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks and months in my head debating the reasons I should or should not engage in a certain project, move to a new house, take a certain job, etc.  Or, as my Sponsor taught me in early recovery, I need to stop asking everyone else what they think and go within for my answer.

When do I usually stop neurotically debating in my head and turn to meditation for my answer? Usually, when I am on the verge of going insane. When pushed to a ledge, I remember I have a choice. I can stay in my head with my crazy thoughts or I can make a decision to pray for relief and wait for the Spirit to guide me.

"Pray on one issue at a time," my Sponsor advised. "You won't get a specific answer if your prayer is not specific."

I remember feeling so sorry for myself when New Year's 2000 arrived and I was unable to drink or drug with my friends. Due to a drug and alcohol induced seizure which landed me in an emergency room on November 6,1999, I was forced to get sober. I thought my "fun" was over when in fact my life was on the verge of a wonderous and drastic transformation.

Reflecting now, I hadn't enjoyed a New Year's Eve for a long time prior to my overdose. The "fun" was over. When the clock struck midnight each year, I missed the joy of celebrating the year to come due to my stupor and/or blackouts. New Year's Eve was just another holiday to get shit faced and forget about the emptiness of my life. 

I made many resolutions to quit drinking, smoking, puking, screwing, snorting, etc and failed miserably. Almost as soon as I swore off something, I was using that something again. Attempts at self control led to further lack of control and down the rabbit hole I fell. I was certain I was doomed to a life of misery, pain and disappointment. I wanted to stop using but didn't know how.

For anyone contemplating putting down the drink, the drug, the sugar, the shopping, the sex or the gambling this year, I have only one suggestion to make. Pray from your heart for the willingness to stop and accept the opportunity to change when the miraculous moment arrives. Your help might arrive in a form you would never expect. Mine came in the form of an overdose which introduced me to the real possibility of death.

I love being alone. With no one around me. When I have to leave my house. It creates anxiety inside me. I take medications for PTSD and other mental disabilities. I am 90 days sober. I have been sober before. I know all about staying sober and AA. I have fibromyalgia and carpul in both hands. I had pmdd my whole life. Until just recently. For some it is called PMS. But for others like me with extreme PMS it is called PMDD. This made it very hard to stay sober. I would more often than not, pick up a drink during that cycle. I am 58 years old. I tried many things for PMDD and none worked. Another problem that occurred during my cycle was anger. Uncontrolled anger. I have a lot of rage stuffed deep down. Some times not far enough away from my mind and emotions. My PTSD has reared it's ugly head while sober. I beat up a woman at work. Sober. My son would get hit once a month. During my PMDD cycle. I would use cuss words at that time as well. Nothing much could be controlled with my PMDD. I was like another person. I was not on any medications for most of my life. I finally got help when I was 48 and my son was grown and gone from home. I went to my first AA meeting when my son was 2 years old. I guess I was 30 at that time. But before I went to an AA meeting. I had a spiritual awaking and went to a church. I went there every Sunday. And after a while I started AA meetings I think it was 5 days a week. I was a single mom. On welfare. No help from my family. No friends. And no help from my son's father. As I did not know who he was. AA scared me and I was very submissive. Church felt more comfortable to me. I had a criminal past and before that. An extremely abusive mother. She used beatings with wire coat hangers, There was mental abuse, as she never said a kind word. unless she was around someone she did not want them to know how she really was. Behind closed doors. Her words were cuss words and phrases like you piece of shit etc. Emotionally she never hugged or kissed me. I ran away from home at age 13. I was locked up 14 months. When I got out. I ran away again at 17. I ended up in the hands of a pimp in LA, Calif. I did 10 months in jail for him. I say for him because I had to do all the illegal things and he took all the money. What did I get in return? Jail time and a permanent record that stopped me from getting any type of good job. later on in life. I have have been raped 5 times. And twice I was kidnapped. I have had a gun held to me. And a knife. And have beaten up. My last rape was while I was trying to leave this pimp. I could not take it anymore. I started hitch-hiking. A trucker picked me up. But I did not realize there were 2 of them. I was coming from Calif. And going to New Orleans. I was raped by both of them. But as God would have it I did not get killed. I have tried to kill myself 5 times. One of those times, was when I wanted to find a way to stop the pain from being with the pimp. It almost worked. On that occasion I had an after-life experience. I was over my body. And than I went into the light. I woke up alive in the hospital. I was so mad I was still alive. And that even GOD didn't want me!!! I got away from this pimp by dancing in night clubs naked. And earning money. I found a sugar daddy that took care of me. There was no sex with him. Just living together. He paid the rent and my food and bought my drinks and drugs. It was a very strange set-up. But very true. We never ever had sex in all the 40 years I knew him. It was hard to break away from him. I was very co-Dependant. I had a baby by this pimp. I gave him up for adoption in 1971. I never got over it. And a year later. I started having sex all the time. So I could have another baby to keep. When I realized it wasn't going to happen. I went to Canada. I was a dancer there. I got pregnant 1978 and came back to America. I lived in that co dependent relationship again.Deep down inside I did not want that for me and my baby. I was ashamed by it. I stopped drinking and smoking while pregnant. That led me to believe that I could stop anytime I wanted. That was so wrong. I think the hormones were in perfect working order while I was carrying my child. But after was another thing. I picked up a drink and could not stop. I was horrified. As this wasn't my plan for my life with my new son.  I came to believe if I could just get away and out of the relationship I would be fine. I moved and started drinking. I was arrested and my son was taken from me. In the jail. I had a spiritual awaking. A peace came over me that I never had felt before. And I just knew I would be OK from than on. I was on welfare when I went to my first meeting. As I said before I was going to Church and reading the bible. I was a mixture of spiritually and religion. I was a bad person trying to be a good person. I had a long rap sheet. I was a stripper, and a past whore. Stripping was a step up for me. Considering where I had come from. But that wouldnt cut it in AA meetings. These people were sharing their past. I was unlucky enough to have been going to a certain meeting that they only shared their past. Hardly any steps or big book or sponsership was going on. I knew I would never share. But I also knew That my spirtually was really keeping me sober. Not the meetings. I stayed sober for one year. .........to be continued.

In some ways the Law of Attraction is Positive Psychology meets Metaphysics.  Positive Psychology states if you have a positive outlook, you will have a happier and more fulfilling life.  Studies in Positive Psychology report certain strengths and virtues enable individuals to thrive.  For example, emotions such as zest, gratitude, hope, and love are the most strongly associated with a satisfying life.

The Law of Sobriety is a program of seven steps that can be combined with twelve step programs or utilized on their own not only to assist in living a life clean and sober, but to live a life that has purpose and meaning.  It is about being called forth to do what you were put on this planet to do.  The seven steps include:

Finding Your Purpose with Intention

Living a life that is true to your Values

Living a Life of Authenticity

The law of Sobriety takes the principles of the Law of Attraction and puts them to work for the specific purpose - to help individual’s recover from their addictions,  whatever that addiction might be  including alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food, co-dependency, love, and or shopping.   However, in order to understand the Law of Sobriety, you need to understand The Law of Attraction.  The Law of Attraction states your life is related to your thoughts – both conscious and unconsciously – those thoughts we put out into the universe.  Thoughts are a type of energy, and the energy you put out into the world is the same energy you will receive or attract back into your life, both positive and negative.

The Law of Sobriety helps you take actions steps in your recovery which essentially means the energy you are putting out into the universe with these positive steps, will be what you attract back in order to have peace, joy, and serenity in your recovery process.  That is why it is so important that the thoughts and actions your take align with your path of recovery.  Thoughts of fear, rage, and discontent, according to the Law of Attraction will not only keep you from fulfilling your recovery goals, but will be what is attracted back to you.  If you live in fear, you will be afraid to try a new career or move on from a bad relationship.  It will keep you frozen in misery and anger.   If you are living with resentments, you are sure to attract back the same people, places and things that cause you to be resentful.

I know I am juggling too many plates at once when I develop an uncontrollable twitch in my eye. Besides working a full time pharmaceutical job, I sponsor multiple girls in recovery, care for a 4 year old child, manage Addictionland and finalize my query letter.

While each activity is rewarding, the load of responsibility is more than I can handle at once. At this juncture of my recovery, balancing all aspects of my life is a challange.  I still do everything in extremes. Like my physician father who put his whole heart into the treatment and care of his patients, I put my whole heart into my career/recovery/childrearing and have little energy or enthusiasm for romance or relaxation.

I sense I am going through a big shift in my recovery because I can feel it within.  I am exhausted and stressed because I won't let go and let G-d. While I am excellent at pharmaceutical sales/promotions, I no longer want to be selling medications to doctors. Instead, I want to use my passion and skill set to educate people on the miracle of personal transformation with 12 step recovery. To achieve that, I must surrender my current income stream and trust that my needs will be met when I put my full attention on my heart's desire..

The universe keeps sending me signs to go with the flow and follow my dream. Unbelievable people and opportunities keep knocking on Addictionland's door.  My good awaits me and I can only accept it if I open both hands, drop the weight and allow myself to be happy.